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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29230641">Saturated Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/spndeansammylov/pseuds/spndeansammylov'>spndeansammylov</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bad Parent John Winchester, Bobby Finds Out, Bottom Dean Winchester, Bottom Sam Winchester, First Time, John Finds Out, M/M, Something Made Them Do It, Suicidal Thoughts, Switching, Top Dean Winchester, Top Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:54:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,781</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29230641</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/spndeansammylov/pseuds/spndeansammylov</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Should he be quiet? If this was a case, he had to be quiet, right?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Sa ... Sammy?"<br/>
Sam's gaze fell on Dean then traveled all over Dean's body.<br/>
"You are so pretty, Dean. I just want to ... Let me touch you? Just, ... just there."<br/>
Sam backed Dean against their motel bed and roamed his hands all over Dean's shoulders.</p><p>"Wha-" – Dean took a step backwards as his knees hit the edge of the bed and he fell back on it. Sam didn't wait long and was on him in an instant so he could just rub his body all over Dean's.<br/>
"Sammy ... what?" Dean whispered. He didn't know why he would find himself suddenly in such a position. They were just talking, or weren't they? And why didn't he just say something or pushed Sammy away? Why was he just laying there?</p><p>"Deeaan, oh my God ... you feel so good. So warm and your pretty eyes. Oh, please let me ... No! Don't close them. You want, ... you want me too, right? I know you want me too! I saw it in your eyes. Please, Dean. Look at me?"<br/>
Sam was removing his own shirt with his right hand, the other was occupied with testing the feel of his big brothers hipbone under his palm. It fits in his palm like it was just made for him.</p><p>What had they been talking about before?" Dean's mind was empty. He didn't know and he was just half aware what Sam was doing. He felt a cold breeze around his torso where his shirt should be and had been just moments before. He couldn't connect why that was. He felt a rough tugging on his belt loops and tried to move his head in the direction of it, but found that he couldn't move as he wanted to. Was he tied? Was this a case?<br/>
"This a case?" Dean murmured inaudible so you could only have heard him, if you would’ve taken any notice what he was trying to say. However Sam was occupied with something other at the moment.</p><p>"C'mon , move your hips a little."</p><p>He felt how Sam tried to remove his jeans. Oh, was it already time for bed? Was he drunk and his little brother helped him out a little so he didn't have to sleep in his jeans? The window was in his direct sight, so he focused his eyes at it. An orange curtain blocked the sight to the parking lot so he didn't know if someone was out there. There had to be someone, right? Maybe he can shout?<br/>
Or, or should he be quiet? If this was a case, he had to be quiet, right? Why couldn't he remember or move? His hips? Oh, could he move them? Yes! Yes, he could. Hold on little brother, he could do this.</p><p>"Yeah, there you are. I knew you would want this too". Sam removed Dean's jeans, just like he had before. Now, he did so with more intend than all the other times before.<br/>
"So beautiful ... , you'll see, Dean. I'll make it good for you, you just have to let yourself enjoy it. I can be good for you. Will you let me? Will you let me, Dean?"</p><p>Sam was whispering all this against his skin and Dean squeezed his eyes shut. Deep down, he knew this wasn't a case. It was just them, between two cases. Dad left them yesterday after some ... what was it? A witch hunt? Yeah. He did get the bitch, but hadn't taken the time to "celebrate" the successful hunt. Dad had left them for another few days and Dean had just ... what had he done just a few moments before all this started?<br/>
"What, Dean? I can't understand you. Come again?"</p><p>Dean cleared his throat ... "what did I do?" He tried to stay focused, but he just looked passively on as Sam was rummaging in the nightstand, then stood up and searched for something in their duffel bags.</p><p>"Oh, you know how you look at me sometime. And I know you feel it too. I ... I have for a long time. And I felt your eyes on me, like you knew I was thinking of you that way. You never said anything. And I know it's hard for you because we are brothers and you know, Boys. But, but your eyes. God, your eyes! You know how expressive they are, right? And so, I knew. You just wanted it like I do, but you couldn't just make the first move. Right, Dean? And just now? I knew you couldn't and wouldn't make the first move, but I couldn't hold back anymore. You are the big brother or some other bullshit, so you waited for me to make the first move. Right?" Sam was babbling on.</p><p>My eyes? Dean hadn't had heard half of it, his mind was floating all over the place. So, he watched on as Sam held triumphantly some little flask in his hand and threw it on the bed. Just a second later Sam socks and his underwear flew through the air and that was the time to avert his eyes. Maybe it was bath time? Yeah, yeah that was it. When was the last time they took a bath together? Sam must have been a little kid, but now. How old was he again?</p><p>Right, Sammy had his 13th birthday just a few days before and as a good big brother would, he had tried to make it a good one for him. But then there was this witchhunt, so they were driving most of the time and hadn't had time to celebrate. So, they winged it. Winchester style. A pat on the shoulder, an old movie in the TV and maybe some extra dessert in a diner was yet to come. Dad would go with them. They should go out now. But ... "Dad wasn't there yet. He ... he had left them for another hunt, hadn't he?"</p><p>"Yes, Dean. You don't have to worry. Dad isn't here and surely he will be away for a few days. We can do what we want and we don't have to worry about him interrupting us." Sam kneed directly above him so Dean looked him in the face and saw Sam was truly smiling at him. Sam was happy. So Dean had to smile too.</p><p>"Yeah, Dean. I know, I'm probably not any good at this, so our first time will be not exactly sparkles and fireworks. I'll try, OK. I'll make you feel good too. I just, ... I love you so much, Dean". The last words were whispered.<br/>
</p><p>He must be losing time.</p><p>Sam was just kneeling above him, but he must have had arranged his legs somehow. They were wide open and something cold and oily was rubbed under his balls. He tried to pull away when Sam's face appeared directly above his.<br/>
"Shh, Dean. It's just me. I just make you wet. I mean, I ... I know I'm not as big as you, but you know. You are so dry. I just have to rub a little so I can go in, OK?"<br/>
Sammy is going? Where to? That feeling was just so alien, all his senses were zeroing in on it. Why was he just laying there? Why couldn't he stand up and just go out of this unreal situation?</p><p>"Uhff"<br/>
"Ah sorry, sorry, Dean! My hand slipped. Can you maybe spread your legs just a little wider? I think I'll need both arms to hold me up so that I don't have to lean on your belly, OK? Sam tried to get his fingers in a better position, but Dean was lying heavy on his ass. He couldn't really get where he wanted to, also Deans penis and sack was taking him the sight, so he had to hold everything out of the way. It just wouldn't do. "OK, no. That doesn't work. Dean, please roll onto your stomach".</p><p>Dean tried. God save him, but he tried to do just that. He couldn't think. Why didn't he say no? </p><p>He squeezed his eyes shut. No, this wasn't happening. Sammy couldn't ... he wouldn't do ... do that to him. He wouldn't. Still, he felt how he was rolled onto his stomach. And he felt how his legs were spread as far as they could go or as far they could be pushed.<br/>
And he felt when Sam pressed his dick against him, again and again so he clenched his muscles as tight as possible against the intrusion. No matter how, after a while the muscles were losing the battle and he felt a stab and heard a groan behind him.<br/>
"Oh God, so tight. Dean, I'm in you. Oh my God, Dean. I would never have thought you would let me".<br/>
"Hhngg" was all Dean could say at this moment.</p><p>He bit in his pillow and willed the tears to go away. Sam was ... Sam did that to him.<br/>
In this moment he regretted having only kissed a girl, Robin, at Sonny's. Now, he would've always to tell a lie if someone asked him what his first time had like been. He couldn't tell it was his brother after all.<br/>
Sam did one hard trust, cried out, trusted again and was coming. Thank God, it was over. It was over! He couldn't hold the tears at bay anymore, he was sobbing uncontrollable in his pillow.</p><p>"Oh my ... Dean. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Dean opened his eyes, and listened how distressed Sam sounded.<br/>
"I'm sorry. First times, you know, heh." Sam rubbed his neck, a little embarrassed.<br/>
"You just feel so tight. But, I'll make it better, OK. Gimme a few minutes. I'll make it good, promise". Sam kissed his left shoulder blade and his hands caressed Dean's backside. He could feel how Sam's come, little there was, slowly finding a path out of his hole. And Sam was still inside him. He was just laying there, his little brother was inside him and in a few minutes ...</p><p>"No, please." He croaked into his pillow. If Dad would see this. He would know how pathetic Dean really was. Who would just lie there and let his literally little brother fuck him into the mattress.<br/>
"Oh, no. I know, you hadn't gotten there yet. But, I know I can do it, you know. I can do it longer this time, right Dean. With time I'll get better. See, I think I'm already good for another try." Sam was eager to show Dean he could be good for him.</p><p>Dean felt how Sam got more momentum as he spoke. The squishy feeling down ... down there was disgusting. He tried hard not to think about a few weeks before, as he saw Sam come out of the bathroom. They saw each other all the time in such close spaces like motel rooms, but it was like he had really seen him for the first time.<br/>
He had come out of the bathroom in just a towel around his hips and Dean's gaze stayed longer than normal on his brother's body. How his torso was going to get broad with time and the play of muscles was fascinating. Sam had a growth spurt only recently, he hadn't any baby fat on him anymore and was like a beanpole now. Though he could see, his brother would be beautiful one day.</p><p>"Ahngg!"<br/>
"Sorry, I'll take more weapon oil."<br/>
When he had waited for Sam outside his school to pick him up, he had seen that his little brother was nevertheless still one of the smallest in size. The others, even the girls were all one head taller than he was. However, with Winchester genes he would surely get big as himself. Maybe even bigger. No, not bigger. Sam was the little brother, so he had to be the smallest in the family.<br/>
The rubbing down there was a literal pain in the ass. Dean was biting his lips so he didn't cry out. Thank God Sam was so small, he didn't know how he would've gotten through this, if he would've been bigger.</p><p>"Yeah, Dean. So good. Yeah? You like it. I can't hear you, Dean. Let me hear you. Ah, yes. I knew you would like it. Yeah. Yeah!" Sam was pushing with all of his body against Dean's.<br/>
"Ngh ... nn...ah" every time Sam punched in, Dean's breath was punched out of him. His ass was on fire. Sam was trusting as hard as he could and Dean clawed his fists into the sheets so as not to bang his head against the headboard. He was ridden hard and surely put away wet he thought and squeezed his eyes so tight, he saw bright spots behind his eyelids. Sam began to stutter, so it had to be over soon. Right?</p><p>"Yeah, oh yes. Oh fuck".<br/>
"Language" – but it was just a murmur under his breath as he was mortified to hear himself whining. He didn't know when he had started to make noises, but he felt how hoarse his throat was. A litany of "no, no, please" was running through his head in a loop since about the time he was lying like dead on this bed. Yet, did he say anything out loud? Didn't Sam know how he was hurting him?</p><p>"No."<br/>
"Ah, oh, Fuuuuccck!".<br/>
And Sam was coming in his brothers ass about 15 minutes after he had started. He was just lying on top of Dean, running his hands in the sweat that had gathered on Dean's back and was praising him for how good he was. How good he had felt. His right hand was slowly making his way down to Dean's dick, but he was soft. Sams hand was slick after all the oil he had to take so he could put his dick into Dean. So, Dean had to have come too, right?</p><p>"Wow, that was so good, right? Dean, I never knew that you felt the same way. If I had, I would've much sooner ... However, it's in the past now. It will be great Dean, you'll see. Next time, we can ... "</p><p>Still, Dean didn't hear much after the words "next time". So, he would've to endure this on a regular basis from now on? Otherwise, what should he do? What could he do? Tell Dad? Yeah, he could picture the disgust on his Dad's face. He had let his little brother fuck him. He had let him, right? There was fight or flight, and he was trained to fight in every situation there is. Nevertheless, what did he do when his 13 year old brother made a move on him? He didn't know what that was. Freeze? Yeah. Maybe.</p><p>Maybe he had wanted it, right? He had lusted after all after Sam, and this was his punishment. He was a 17 year old high school dropout, with a cocky attitude and not much more going for him. He was there to take care of Sam. And when. And when Sam needed ...that, maybe he can do it? He whimpered as he felt how Sam's cock dragged roughly out of his asshole and felt the come run out of it. He had to go to the bathroom. He must get clean.</p><p>"Dean, you don't have to. I could clean you up".<br/>
Dean stood groggily up, thanked God he could do just that and limped to the bathroom.<br/>
Then, he closed the door.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Normally, they never closed the door. They always left a little crack open just in case something could break the salt barrier to their room. So if they would hear something going on out there, they would be able to help. Yet, this was not the time, he needed silence to hear his own thoughts. He needed the space to feel himself. It was like his head was full of cotton, but ... It would get better. He just needed to get himself cleaned up, so he just stood himself under the water. First, ice-cold, then too hot and after some time ice-cold again. Yet, he didn't feel much and so he let the tears come some more.</p><p>He hadn't let himself cry like this since his mother had died. Then, he had to close himself up so he could take care of his six month old brother, while his father was more drunk than sober at that time.</p><p>"Dean?"</p><p>He could hear how Sam was silently knocking on the door, so it was time to face the music. He shuts the water and stood before the mirror. He avoided his eyes, he didn't want to see his deer in the headlights look he was surely sporting right now. Like a Disney princess, with his damn eyelashes. When his Dad was looking at him, had he anticipated what would happen one day? Has he seen Dean was ... gay?</p><p>Does that mean he was gay now? Or Sam. Sam was gay, or wasn't he? Oh God, he could never let his father know. Not only that his two sons were apparently gay now. No, they were gay for each other. And if he knew Dean had let ...</p><p>No, not again. Don't think about it. It happened. It's OK. It's Sam, so it has to be OK.</p><p>"I'm coming". He opened the bathroom door and thought to himself "That's my little brother. Nothing has to change".</p><p>Everything changed.</p><p>That day was a school day so, after his shower he put his clothes on and drove Sam to his school. And then. He just sat there in the Impala in the school parking lot. He didn't know which time it was, but as he blinked, Sam was there again. Around him other school kids, so that must mean school was out for today.</p><p>So, he drove back to their room, hissed his way through his bathroom routine and made something to eat for them both. He mustn't have had anything to eat in the morning, after ... after that, or his stomach wouldn't growl so loudly. Still, he couldn't think about food. Even now, it made him nauseous so, he had to ... He looked forlorn around the room. He had to clean the weapons. Yes, that's what he was going to do.</p><p>Sam tried to kiss him on his way out of the room so he could bring the weapons bag in, so he stood there and let him. It was more clumsy as anything else. And wet. Just a peck really, but oddly enough with tongue. Then, he got to clean the weapons and thought about nothing. That night, just as he turned off the light Sam was on him again and after biting his lip so he didn't make a sound he rolled onto his stomach and let Sam fuck him. It. It wasn't so bad. Sam was not really good just now, but he was enthusiastic. He tried to vary his rhythm and Dean even got semi hard this time. Still, Sam didn't think about checking and so Dean got away as he got his arm under himself. Sam thought Dean would trust into his own hand while being fuckend six ways from Sunday. He couldn't help but let his thoughts stray to the times before all of that.</p><p>As Sam got out of a bathroom, how his chest glistened with water drops as he was drying his hair. He lets out a little whimper and felt how that spurred Sam on, so he tried to be good for him and clenched his ass cheeks together. If Sam was coming faster that way, the better. </p><p>How twisted it all was. </p><p>He never thought about sex with his little brother before, or did he? He didn't know anymore. He knew, he had thought about kissing. But, the kiss before was his second kiss in his life. How pathetic for an 17 year old. That night he tried to take his crying to a minimum. If he didn't quiet make it, nobody had to know, but him.</p><p>Dad was back after that night. Dean had Sam brought to his school, but made an effort to drive himself back so he wouldn't sit out there in the school parking lot like the stupid moron he was. He was just about to - oh who was he kidding – to sit on the couch all day and wait so he would've to drive to school again to get Sam back.</p><p>The door to the motel room opened and Dad stood in the doorway. It was a shame that he didn't even hear the jingle of the oversized Motel keys, but there he was.</p><p>"Dean." was his father's way of greeting, placed his weapons bag on the nearest bed and vanished in behind the bathroom door.</p><p>Dean could even get a silent greeting out, but  panicked a little. What if? What if Dad could see it in his eyes? One look and he would possibly know what a pathetic excuse of a son he got. That let ...</p><p>John came out of the bathroom and rummaged in his duffle bag for clean clothes. He looked at Dean and frowned. Hadn't his son moved since he came in here? He was just sitting there, staring in blank space. "Dean?"</p><p>"Yes, Dad?"</p><p>Dad looked closer at his son. He appeared normal, just maybe a little paler since he was gone two days ago. This spacing out thing? It was definitely new.</p><p>"Sam's at school?"<br/>
"Yes, sir."<br/>
"OK, you got enough money so could you get us something to eat?"</p><p>Dean stood up, checked his wallet and was out the door.<br/>
"Huh". Teenagers.<br/>
Who knew what was going on in their heads. Some fight between the brothers could be an explanation. So, nothing to worry about. He got his journal out of his bag and lost himself in his records.</p><p>Dean stood in line of a takeout diner and waited. Dad was here again, so he couldn't let himself go on like this. He had to act better than spacing out in the middle of the day. Maybe even on a hunt and get them all killed.</p><p>"Hey, cloud boy. I said move, dammit!"</p><p>He was pushed roughly and flinched. He ducked his head dejectedly and croaked a "sorry" and got in the front of the counter. A nice girl was scrutinizing him curiously so he hastily told her his order and tried to avoid any eye contact. The girl gave up after some time and served meanwhile the other customers. Dean was just spacing out again as he heard her calling for his attention. He got the paper bags with his order and got out of there as fast as he could.</p><p>As he got to the motel he could hear a shouting match even out to the parking lot. Bracing himself, it took him two tries to get a carefree smile on his lips and opened the door.</p><p>"You don't decide about this family, son! So don't you think you can tell me what to do!"<br/>
"You were just coming here and now you just dump us at Uncle Bobby?"<br/>
"Yes, and if I think you aren't old enough yet to live a few months on your own, then you've got to pack your bags and have to go where I will put you!"</p><p>Sam was furious.<br/>
Dean and him, it was all so new. Yet, their room at Uncle Bobby was right next to Bobby's bedroom, so they couldn't have sex there if they didn't want him to hear them. It was just so like their Dad that he had to come and ruin everything for them.</p><p>"Just because the hunt is the most important thing in your life! You think we are just here to help if it gets to risky for you out there alone! You've no right to come and take me out of school again just after we just got here! Dean?" He gazed imploringly at Dean.<br/>
Dean just stood there. First, he thought if they were with Bobby then Sam couldn't make a move on him, he surely wouldn't risk that. But, Bobby knew them since childhood. So Bobby would just take a look at them and could maybe see. Not on Sam, but on himself. Bobby had just his own way, he just looked at you and knew something was not quite right. And when he asked what was wrong with him? He didn't know if he was strong enough to lie in Bobby's face. Oh God, what if? He couldn't.</p><p>"Dean! Breathe, dammit!"</p><p>Dean didn't feel how his father was dragging him on the couch and put his head between his knees so he could breathe again. His last thought was "Huh, that's what a panic attack feels like" and passed out.</p><p>As he came back to himself, it must only have been a few seconds, his father was rubbing his back and Sam was wringing his hands in indecision. He wanted to help, but didn't know how, so he let his father take this situation. Dean must be OK. It was just all so much right now.<br/>
"You there with me, son?" John patted Dean's back, felt him flinch and took his hand back.</p><p>"Dean?"</p><p>Dean got his breath back and tried to come up with some plausible lie, but came up blank.<br/>
"I don't know sir, I ... I just hadn't had time to eat this morning. I'm fine."</p><p>John nodded his head, he knew how Sam was a bottomless pit since his last grown spurt, so Dean would need his proteins too. "Good, I think the food should be still warm. So let's eat, then pack your things. We have some driving to do."<br/>
"But Dad!"<br/>
"Enough, Sam. That's an order! Go eat something, so we can get out of here."</p><p>Sam grumbled, but did as he was told. He got to Dean and helped him up and over to the table by the window. John's eyebrow got gradually higher up to his hairline as he watched on as Dean let Sam take half of his weight and let him put him on his seat. Something was going on, but he was damned if he knew what it could be. A stay with Bobby would do them good, he decided and joined them to eat.<br/>
The drive to Bobby was about 12 hours, but John hadn't any time to waste, so they made it in one go. Sam took subtle glances at Dean in the passenger seat, but with Dad right there he couldn't talk with him like he wanted to. Dean was most of the time dozing and sweating like a pig.</p><p>His ass was hurting like hell and no matter what position he got in, it never brought any relief. He tried not to show his uneasiness in which he tried to not fidget all over his seat, but after a few hours it simply was unavoidable.</p><p>"Damn boy, have you got crabs or why are you skidding all over the place?"<br/>
"What? I ... I. No!" Dean was startled. He had thought he had barely moved since he got into his seat.<br/>
John was snickering. His son had just such a hilarious expression on his face.<br/>
"You know, you wouldn't have got them, if you would crop your short and curlies.<br/>
"Dad!"<br/>
"Oh c'mon boy, don't think I don't know how it is. I was also young once."<br/>
Sam groaned on the backseat.<br/>
"Gross."<br/>
"Oh, you'll surely find out what I'm talking about one day, Sammy. You ever kissed a girl yet?"<br/>
"First of all I will never get any pubic lice and secondly that's none of your business!"<br/>
"No worries, Sammy. In a few years you will have to fight them off with a stick."<br/>
"Yeah, yeah."<br/>
Dean felt his face getting hotter by the second as he tried to not think about it. Didn't think about Sam and how he had done that and more. Just ... not with a girl.<br/>
And how Sam could be so unaffected about it. You could think butter wouldn't melt in Sam's mouth while he had an internal debate with himself going on.</p><p>How one wrong move could bring this whole house of cards down on him. Dad would be so disappointed. Maybe he would kick him out on the streets and yelling at him how he "wasn't a son of mine!" anymore. Or even just put a bullet in his head.</p><p>Yeah, that was more a possibility.</p><p>And Bobby. Bobby never had to know about what Dean did with Sam. He may never know. Ever. He needed a strategy so it would never come to that.<br/>
So, he made an internal list how to avoid Bobby's suspicion.</p><p>First he had to look him straight in the eyes. Well, that should be doable.<br/>
Then smile like you have no care in the world and for God's sake don't flinch if he gets to near! He had to suppress a sigh.<br/>
He was definitely screwed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bobby was waiting for them as they were driving to his front door in the scrapyard. He watched as John got out, a grouchy Sam right behind him. And Dean just a little slower to open the Impala's passenger door and then he sat there as if he didn't know what to do with himself.</p><p>"Get the bags!" And Dean went up like a shoot to get their things out of the trunk. "Thanks Bobby for taking care of the boys. I appreciate it".</p><p>"No problem at all. I take you goin' again?"</p><p>"Yes, just brought them both. I have a lead on the demon, so it could take a few weeks until ... ".</p><p>"Yeah, yeah. I know, so take care. C'mon in, boys. Just got some chili ready to eat."</p><p>After John said his goodbye and his typical "take care of your brother, Dean" he was driving of. Deans stomach grumbled, but not from hunger. He hopes he can take the food down. He and Sam had their hands full of their bags and he let Sam go on to greet Bobby.</p><p>They heard the Impala take of, just as Sam was hugging Bobby and strode into the house. Dean was next, he braced himself for the hug and was glad he didn't flinch at all as Bobby hugged him.</p><p>"Good to see you, boys. You'll see, the time will fly by in no time at all, so you don't have to be so grumpy".</p><p>Smile, dammit, so much for his list.</p><p>"Oh, Bobby. You know how we love to fight for the toilet, after the hottest chili in the world." His cocky smirk was in place and he got even his swagger on as he got into Bobby's kitchen.</p><p>Bobby watched. Something wasn't sitting with him right. He didn't know what yet, but he had a feeling he would find out soon enough. Like he knew him, it would take John a few month to come back, so he had all the time in the world to figure out what was up with the stubborn lot of them. Idjits.</p><p>That night, Dean dreaded to go up to their bedroom with Sam in it. He tried to communicate with his eyes to him, how he shouldn't do anything sexual around him with Bobby in the same house. But, at thirteen, Sam was stubborn as fuck. He didn't want to listen what he had to say, so he waited until Bobby said his good nights and got slowly up to their room.</p><p>"Sam?" Sam had their beds put together, so it was one large bed.</p><p>"I thought it would be better like this. Bobby doesn't show up here most of the time and if he does, then we can say we are to grown up for the tiny beds. We needed more space."</p><p>He was beaming and thought this was one of his best ideas ever. So, they could make out under their blankets and even if Bobby would look after them, he would only see two boys too big for single beds.</p><p>Dean sighed.</p><p>Well, so he had to tell Sam that they couldn't do anything here.</p><p>"But, Bobby wouldn't hear anything, if you breath into your pillow. And I'll just make tiny movements, so this old bedsprings can't make to much noise. You'll see, I'll take care of it".</p><p>Dean didn't try to argue.</p><p>It wouldn't change anything, so he got down to his boxers and got up under their Blanket. He didn't even know himself anymore. Why wasn't he fighting this more, dammit?</p><p>Sam was on him in an instant.</p><p>"Dean, I thought Dad would ruin everything. I'm so sorry you had a panic attack. Please, let me make it better." Sam kissed his left nipple and nudged him in the direction, so he lay on his stomach. Sam got rid of their boxers and spit in his hand.</p><p>"Sorry, forgot the weapon oil in my duffel downstairs". And found unerringly his asshole.</p><p>Sam shoved in two fingers at once and Dean hissed, but buried his face deeper in his pillow, so Bobby wouldn't hear. He hoped it was over soon.</p><p>Sam got into position and pressed his dick against Dean's almost dry asshole.</p><p>It hurts like a mother, but Dean didn't complain. He concentrated on the words "be quiet, don't let Bobby know" and felt how Sam pressed his dick as hard against his asshole so it had no other chance as to open up for him.</p><p>Dean grit his teeth as Sam bottomed out and took on a rhythm just so you couldn't hear the rusty bed springs. Dean buried his fists in his pillow and hold on for the ride. He whimpered and made tiny noises of protest, but was otherwise still. He just spread his legs as wide as possible so his asshole was the same and Sam got into a deep trusting rhythm. After a while Dean was bathed in sweat, he had stared at the door, but was now squeezing his eyelids shut. Sam was biting his shoulder blades and ravaging his asshole.</p><p>His trusts became harsher and he was panting like a racehorse.</p><p>"Oh God, Dean. You are so tight. So hot, oh God, oh fuck. Yeah." Dean's head hit the headboard, but it didn't register with him, the pain from Sam's fucking was just too overwhelming.</p><p>"WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?!"</p><p>Dean startled and cramped up, the tightening of his channel got Sam over the edge.</p><p>So, Bobby had to stand by and watch as Sam was cumming into his brother.</p><p>He shoot a bewildered look at Dean, but he was just lying there. His hands clawed into the pillow, his face contorted in pain. Sam scrambled away and out of Dean. Dean flinched at the sudden drag of Sam's dick out his sore ass, but made otherwise no move to cover himself. He just pressed his face into his pillow and hoped Bobby would not look at him. And see what he really was.</p><p>"Dean? Come down, we have to talk!" Bobby's voice was hard, and Dean dreaded the talk he was going to have with Bobby. He didn't know what he would say. What could he even say? Nothing. He had nothing.</p><p>"Dean?" Sam tried to hug him, but Dean was faster, shoot Sam a reasurring look and got out the door. He came back as fast as he went out putting his jeans on, but vanished as soon as it was on. Bobby waited for him in his living room. He just stood there and waited with a stern expression on his face.</p><p>Bobby was officially over his head. How should he handle this?</p><p>"Dean? I'll be honest with you, I have no idea how to handle this. But, please tell me. What did I just have to watch?"</p><p>Dean just stood before Bobby.</p><p>He was frantic. He didn't know what to say. Oh, my God, Bobby would tell it Dad. And Dad would certainly blame him, surely he must have done something to make Sam gay. Which normal little brother wanted to fuck their big brother in the ass? And which big brother would let him just like that? Just this pathetic looser would, apparently. And he wasn't even any good. He was just lying there like dead meat and crying like a baby. Couldn't even do THAT right. He was just so disgusting, he hated what he had become. He had to prevent at all costs that Bobby would ever tell Dad about it. But, what could he do. He had nothing to offer. Just.</p><p> </p><p>He closed his eyes.</p><p>"Dean?"</p><p>"It's. It's Okay, you know." He knew now, what he could say. He knew, what he had to do. He lets his hands fall and his shoulders slump dejectedly. He couldn't look Bobby in his eyes while saying this. He pressed his chin against his chest and put his hands on his belt and whispered.</p><p>"I'll let you, you know? I ... I wouldn't ever say a word, uh, Bobby. You can, if you want. I can. I can make it good for you." He lay his hand blindly on Bobby's chest.</p><p>"Dad will never know, I-I can ..."</p><p>"God, please shut up." Bobby said with tears in his eyes and pulled Dean in his arms. What happened that Dean would even offer such a thing? He couldn't even think about it. He would cut off his own cock before he would ever touch him in such a manner.</p><p>Dean was sobbing in his arms, so they just stood there hugging a long time.</p><p>Bobby thought about the scene he had found in the bedroom upstairs. He had heard banging against the wall first, but then a high whining and loud breathing and thought it couldn't be what it appeared to be. He opened the door and saw how Dean was clutching his pillow like his life depended on it and Sam was trusting mercilessly into his brother over and over again. He couldn't believe what he was seeing and he didn't know what he was screaming just then. But, Dean did just flinch, but made no move to cover himself and Sam was ... He was coming and then scrambled up and just stood there with this expression like he was just angry he got interrupted. It wasn't normal, that's what it was.</p><p>And now, after Dean quietened in his arms, he was going to the couch and flinched as he took a seat, gingerly.</p><p>"Dean. Please tell me, what's going on. Is, is Sam ra ... ". He had never thought he would ever say such a thing. He cleared his throat. "Is Sam raping you?"</p><p>Dean looked up, perplexed. "Raping?"</p><p>"Yeah. I'm afraid, boy, but that up there didn't look anything like fun. Are you really doing this of your own free will with Sam?"</p><p>Dean thought about it. He didn't really say no or did anything to prevent it. So.</p><p>"Yes?"<br/>
"Is that a question, boy?"<br/>
"No, I mean ... Yes. Sam didn't have to fight me so he could. You know."<br/>
"If you can't say it, you shouldn't do it, son".<br/>
Dean nodded his head and looked at the couch pattern.<br/>
"So what was it then?"<br/>
"Sam loves me."<br/>
"And you?"<br/>
"I. You know I do."<br/>
"Yeah, but. Do you love him – ehm - this way?"<br/>
"I...". Dean thought about it.</p><p>Did he love Sam like that? If it wouldn't just hurt so damn much. If only he had had more time to think about it in the beginning. To kiss Sam at first. And. And explore his body. His back that got a little broader every day. And his cute little mole beside his nose. His hipbones that were so sharp you could slice bread with it ... His smile ...</p><p>When Sam smiled at him, with his cute little dimples, so carefree as would nothing in this life matter more at that moment as Dean. How his eyes, his beautiful multicolored eyes would just look right into his soul. And his wit. How in a second he could be the one rolling his eyes at the stupid remarks Dean would make, but jump right in so they could both laugh together. How it was just about each other, for both of them.</p><p>Them against the world.</p><p>"Yes".<br/>
"What?"<br/>
"Yes, I love him like that. God dammit, but I do. What should I do, Bobby? How could I make everything right again? I ...I just don't know".</p><p>Bobby sighted.<br/>
Damn, Winchesters. If he wouldn't love them both so much ... aw crap.<br/>
"Go, give me some time and then get Sam there. I have to talk to him, too. Alone."<br/>
He looked sternly at Dean, but Dean just nodded and didn't look at Bobby at all.<br/>
He got gingerly up and made his way up to their bedroom.</p><p>Bobby made his way to his telephones and stared dispassionately at one. He knew he had to tell John. This was too important to just swipe under the rug. He sighed and took the receiver in his hand. After he dialed, he waited an awful long time. Or, maybe it just seemed that way to him, he hated having to tell John what happened. Felt too much like betraying his boys. The call connected and a harried John was on the other line.</p><p>"Bobby?"</p><p>"John. You've to come, there's something I have to tell ya, but not on the phone." his free hand was scratching under his hat.</p><p>"Eh, can't you take care of it? I'm in the middle of a hunt, I can't just go up and leave just because the boys can't handle themselves!"</p><p> </p><p>Bobby grumbled and wished some more he could strangle the Idjit through the line.</p><p>"No! These are your boys, dammit! Take your ignorant ass over here, and that pronto, or I'll find a way to get you here myself! Bobby slammed the receiver down and stared at it like it had personally attacked him.</p><p>"Dad? Do you have to go again?" the little boy looked with tear filled eyes at his father.</p><p>John sighed.</p><p>"Yes, I do, but only for a short time. But, not now. So, c'mon, Adam. We still need to work on your throwing arm so you can get better at your baseball team. He laughed and placed himself in the catcher position. Show me what you got, cowboy!"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A worried Sam stood behind their bedroom door and swept Dean into his arms as soon as he opened the door.</p><p>"Dean. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. What did Bobby say? Was he mad at you? What will he do? Are you alright?"</p><p>Uh, he couldn't really concentrate. The conversation with Bobby demanded everything from him, he was totally exhausted energy-wise. How much he hated this cottony feeling in his head, it got old really fast.</p><p>"Hold your horses, Sam. Everything is alright. I think. Bobby just talked to me a little bit, but I think he is cool. Give him some minutes and then go talk with him. He wants to, I think he wants to know if you ehm..." he coughed. "If you forced me."</p><p>"What? Why would he think that? I would never!"</p><p>Dean lowered his head and nodded slightly. Yeah, Sam didn't know how much it had hurt. But, he wasn't really waiting for permission either, right?</p><p>No, he didn't even ask you if you liked it that way! sneered his subconsciousness.</p><p>"Dean? I mean. You did like it, right?"</p><p> </p><p>Dean's head buzzed. Damn, it got hard to think.</p><p>What was the question? If he liked it. Huh. Who would like his own rape?</p><p>What ... what should he answer of a question like that? If he said yes, then Sam would be happy. But, in the not so distant future. What would it change? He didn't think he could go through another round like that, let alone from now on constantly. Yes, OK he loved Sam, but he couldn't do that. Not at his own expense. He would never do the same to Sam, he was sure of that. And if he was that for Sam and went on for him like that? It would break him. Or he was long since broken, and just kidding himself. Yeah, maybe he was. But. If he said he didn't like it, then Sam would do, uh. He didn't know what Sam would to with this situation. But, he wouldn't just steamroll over him – literally – and just do what he wanted. Or would he?</p><p>"No." he whispered.</p><p>Sam was perplexed. He watched as Dean contemplated his answer, but he had not expected this.</p><p>"What do you mean with "no"? he whispered meekly.<br/>
The buzzing got louder. Dean clenched his teeth.<br/>
"It hurt". There, at least that's what he was able to say.</p><p> </p><p>"Dean. I'm sorry. I should have used more weapon oil, or maybe Vaseline? There has to be something out there that would make it easier, I just have to research it. Or did I do something wrong? I could look at some porn, there has to be some ehm gay porn out there. I, I mean we, we could look at one together, so I don't hurt you next time, OK?"</p><p>Next time. The state his ass was in, the next time would be a long time in the future. If he had any say in his own sex life. He snorted. Eww, gay porn. Who would want to watch that crap. But, if it would make it hurt less. Yeah, they should go look at that. Even if his face would be flaming red through all of it.</p><p>"OK."<br/>
Sam beamed. „I'll make it good for you, Dean. I promise." He gave him a big hug, stood up and got to the door.</p><p>"Bobby wanted to talk to me, you say? Time to face the music, I guess." He giggled and was out the door. Dean just sat there and thought about his talk with Sam. Sam was just so. He didn't know. Basically, he said all the right words, but something was off about it. He couldn't pinpoint what was wrong, but he had a strange feeling. He hoped Bobby could shed more light about it.</p><p>Bobby couldn't bring much out of Sam.<br/>
Yes, he loved Dean.<br/>
No, he wouldn't ever hurt him.<br/>
No, he wouldn't stop.<br/>
So, he let the topic go, for now and made something to eat. He needed more time to think about it more anyway.</p><p>In the evening, the house was more like a catacomb than a house with three living people in it. Mourning mood and if Sam did one more sigh he would turn into a 13 year old girl and take eye rolling as a hobby. He knew this wasn't going to be an easy sell, but he had to give them both a little time to prepare before he let John hear everything that had happened.</p><p>"Boys, I have to tell you something."</p><p>Both looked up from their plates, where they listlessly pushed their food from left to right, but didn't say anything.</p><p>"You know, I had to tell your father, right?"<br/>
"WHAT?" Sam sat bold upright.<br/>
"What's John's business with it?"<br/>
"It's Dad to you." Dean whispered and pushed his peas another round on his plate.</p><p>"Dad, then. Why does he have to know anything? He is never there, he just let us fend for ourselves. Hell, even Dean is more than a father to me ... "</p><p>Dean choked.<br/>
Bobby stood up and patted Dean on the back. Yeah, in this particularly situation it wouldn't do them any good to think to closely what that implied, so he ignored it as good as he could.</p><p>"Your father has to know what happened. This is much too big a deal not to tell him and you both know it, dammit! Or do you think, Sam, I can just close my eyes? And ears by the way, you are not really the quietest. And am I supposed to pretend that nothing is happening under my own roof?</p><p> </p><p>Dean was as red as a tomato. He had to be, his face felt like he had a massive sunburn. If it was this humiliating with Bobby, he didn't know how he could ever even look his father in the eyes. Oh my God, he really would know everything.<br/>
"I ... I have to ..."<br/>
Dean got up and ran out the door. He didn't even notice that he bumped his hip on the table.</p><p>Bobby stood up and wanted to go after him, but after a few seconds of indecision he just sit down again. Wouldn't make any damn change. Unfortunately, he couldn't make it any easier for Dean, as much as he would like to, he couldn't. He wasn't their father. He had a duty to tell John, but he would make damn sure that he helped both boys to face it.</p><p>He could only imagine how nervous they both had to be, John wasn't an easygoing guy on a happy day. Dean worshipped the ground his father was walking on, and Sam. His temper was just beginning to go sky high in a fight, but with John in the same room and with this topic? Sam must be terrified. He looked at Sam.</p><p>Who glared at Bobby.<br/>
Huh, not so much then.</p><p>"Sam?"<br/>
"How dare you betray us like this, Bobby? You just a coward so you couldn't handle this by yourself? You just had to shuffle off the responsibility?"</p><p>Sam was seething.</p><p>Bobby wasn't their father, he had no right to judge them. He loves Dean! They are both old enough, what business is it of anyone else? Why is Bobby butting in? And their father? John would just be furious, his brave little soldier a fucking fag! And his other son, the one that "can't you just be more like Dean" of a screw up? The one who didn't take orders without questioning the background first.</p><p>The one who didn't stay in line just because he was told to, not only a faggot too, but even one that didn't give a crap about John's opinion about it. He wouldn't stop just because their father- that wasn't even there 3 out of 4 weeks per month – would tell them how they should live their life. It was their life, after all and a shitty one at that.</p><p>What would be better? Should they just screw anyone in each town they were for a few weeks at a time and then go on to the next one? That shit called STD a mile wide. And what? Should they never fall in love with anyone? And if it came to that, how were they going to handle leaving their love behind just so John could go on his crusade of his own Moby Dick undisturbed? Why does it have to ruin both their lives? And Dean?</p><p>Dean who did everything even before their Dad could give the order just so their lives would go as smoothly as possible when the rest of it was shit. Dean, who did everything he could to make sure Sam had as normal of a life as he could possibly have. Dean, who...</p><p>"You DON'T talk to me like that, boy!"</p><p>"Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. What do you think should happen, then. Tell me, enlighten me! You think I let you screw Dean through the mattress on a regular basis and keep my mouth shut? Then think again! What on earth got into you to even do that? Don't let me start that it didn't even look consensual. You are only 13 years old, you shouldn't even thing about sex any time soon let alone with your own BROTHER!"</p><p>"Oh, shut up, Bobby! If Sam's eyes were rolling any more, they would've to roll right out of his head.</p><p>Bobby was stunned.</p><p>"Dean loves me! He wouldn't do anything with me if he wouldn't, so spare me your speech. And my age? I knew every monster out there at the age of 11, sewed every wound shut on my brother there could be. I know how it feels when the love of your life is bleeding out on the backseat and you, holding his guts, are the only reason he's not dead yet.</p><p>So don't talk with me like I'm a little child! I wasn't a child since I knew monsters where real and my training began. Dean is-" Sam lowered his head and took a deep breath.</p><p>He looked with tear-filled eyes into Bobby's.</p><p>"He is my everything, Bobby. I love him. I wouldn't ever hurt him, ever. However, telling John, will hurt him. So much. And what if John can't handle his sons being in love? Then, what. Will he separate us? He's sending me away to a boarding school, Pastor Jim, or to you? And Dean? Will he be with John 24/7 so he could "train the gay right out of him"? Can't you imagine what will happen if John hears about it? He will either kill me or he will make sure I don't ever see Dean again in this life.</p><p>Bobby became more and more contrite as he listened to Sam. He wanted to be damned, but Sam was right. John would separate them. Sam would be able to take it, probably. But Dean? Dean, who thought the sun was shining out of Sam's ass? The one whose name was "SamnDean", because where one was, the other was as well. All you had to do was follow Sam's giggles as a child and you'd find them playing some fantasy game Dean made up to keep Sam happy. No, Dean wouldn't take it so easily.</p><p>What a cluster fuck.<br/>
"Balls!" Bobby took off his cap and scratched through his sparse hair.<br/>
"Go, get to Dean! I have to think."</p><p>Sam was up and out the door.</p><p>"Oh Karen, I don't know what you were thinking, but kids? They are not as easy to handle as you thought." Bobby poured himself a glass full of Whiskey. It was too early to drink directly from the bottle, but this situation would really deserve it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean was running without a single thought in his mind. It was dark out there, so he didn't see a damn thing, but bless Bobby. He didn't ever make any changes in this scrapyard of his. And so also never changed the ways between the old junkers he knew by heart since his childhood as he was playing out there. He made his way and stopped in front of an old pile of rust. He had to brace himself with all his weight against the driver's door, but after a violent shove it popped up. He first had to wipe away the glass that was spread on the seat so he could sit just behind the steering wheel.</p><p>Dad. What would he say to his Dad? He could just think what Sam would say, or more, scream. The fight would be epic, but it was their Dad. He would have the last word, and what he wanted was to get this situation under control as quickly as possible so he wouldn't have to think about the fact that his two boys were apparently queens.</p><p>Dean scoffed.</p><p>Yeah. He ran his hand over his face and winced, he had a little glass shard in his palm. He stared fascinated at his hand as one drop of blood welled up after the other. Or.</p><p>Or he could.</p><p>He looked at the shards of glass at the passenger seat. It could just be so easy.</p><p>All he had to do was take a larger piece and run it over his wrist a few times.</p><p>And all of this would be over. He took a particularly big shard in his hand and contemplated it. Would he feel anything? Would it hurt?<br/>
Not more than flying headfirst into a gravestone or get clawed open by a black dog.<br/>
Maybe he wouldn't even feel how his life would run right out of him.</p><p>Sam would move on.</p><p>He was young, he would forget Dean and when he was a man he would find some nice girl – or boy. Maybe a boy, doesn't matter, but he could get a happy life. A normal, happy life. With some kids, his own or they could adopt one, right? Maybe in the future gay couples could adopt some. Sam has time. He has all the time in the world when Dean wouldn't be there anymore. In the way.</p><p>And Dad. Dad wouldn't have to beat the gay right out of him. Dean scoffed again.</p><p>Yeah, good luck with that.</p><p> </p><p>His hand was slippery because while he was still thinking about it, his hand was already making superficial cuts. He just had a shirt on and watched as he slides one little cut after the other. He didn't even feel it. Dad wouldn't have to know why Dean did it. Just let it be some teenage angst, emo bullshit. Let him think he did it because of a bad grade because he never even questioned why he had more time at hand all of a sudden. Didn't even get he dropped out of school a long time ago. No, he wouldn't believe that it was because of school, he knew at least that Dean was just looking to get through school with as little fuss as possible.</p><p>About a girl, then. Heartache. Yeah, why not. Better than the real reason.</p><p>Sam. Sam was just so a lovely child and now a little sullen, but smart teenager. Hell, he was smarter than Dean even he was four years younger. You couldn't win an argument against him even if you were prepared. No one could hold a candle to him.</p><p>He was proud of Sam.</p><p>And all this, despite the fact that Dean was his teacher. John just let Dean do all of Sam's stuff when he was little, so he was the one who showed him how to walk. To talk, to read.</p><p>"And apparently to fuck". He murmured as he was slicing another faint cut into his arm.</p><p>He would've liked it, he thought so by himself. Nobody had to know it, but if he was honest with himself, then one could assume he had thought about Sam in a sexual way before. Just not. Not this explicit.</p><p>Kissing.</p><p>Yeah, he had thought about kissing before. Or tracing his fingers after this damn water droplets as Sam came out of that shower in only a little towel. Still, sex? Had he thought about sex? He didn't think so. And if, then more in the direction like kissing Sam's neck down to his navel. To worship him and make him feel good. He the one that ... OK, enough. It didn't happen like that. SO what. You start crying again?</p><p>A voice amazingly like his fathers sneered in his thoughts. Yeah, he was losing it.</p><p>He should just end this all. What would it matter, Sam could everything and more on his own now. He didn't need Dean anymore. Dad didn't need Dean. Hadn't ever, not really. And Bobby. Yeah, and Bobby would probably just be glad to finally be rid of the Winchesters after they brought one problem after another to his front door.</p><p>Well.</p><p>It wasn't as easy as he would've thought. Survival instinct? This last step. Not only cutting superficial, but slice really deep?</p><p>Apparently he was more attached to live than he thought.<br/>
He couldn't do it. And would it really solve anything? "</p><p> </p><p>"OH MY GOD, DEAN!"</p><p>Sam was there, reaching through the broken side window with both hands and ripping the broken glass out of his hand. Dean startled, but as he saw that Sam had cut his arms to hell and back as he just put it through the glass spiked frame – damn old crap shields without safety glass - he turned to Sam." Sam! Watch out, you'll hurt yourself!"</p><p>Sam yanked open the driver's door and lunged at Dean.</p><p>"Oh God, Dean! Please, please, don't." He sobbed. "Please, don't leave me!"</p><p>Dean was numb.</p><p>Just a few seconds before he was ready to do something he thought he would never even considerate to do. Ever. And now he had Sam with him who was clinging to him and sobbing hot tears on his shirt. He knew he should feel more about all of this. But he didn't. Yeah, he didn't want to die, this, he was sure of now, but he wasn't OK. Not at all.</p><p>He was hurting so much. Sam wasn't his anymore. Not his brother he knew since he was a baby. And he knew Sam like nobody else. Now literally. He snorted. Yeah, not going there. Maybe if he just could really just think about it? Everything just happened so quickly, he felt like he was in the middle of a riptide and didn't know how he could just take a break from it to just ... feel.</p><p>"Dean, please. Talk to me. What were you thinking? What happened? Why did you want to die? Don't you know how much I love you?" Sam grabbed his shirt in his fists and stared deep into Deans tearing up eyes.</p><p>"I ... I didn't want to. I swear, I would've never-" his voice broke.<br/>
Sam just looked so heartbroken, he almost couldn't stand to look him in the eyes.<br/>
Dean took a deep breath and just said what he didn't dare to name even in his own head.<br/>
"Sam? You know that I –uh – that I didn't want you to, you know?"<br/>
OK, that was hard.<br/>
Hopefully Sam would get it, so he didn't have to give this fucked up situation a name.<br/>
"What do you mean?"<br/>
Dean sighed. So much for not talking about it.<br/>
After a few mute seconds, he inhaled deeply and just let it out.<br/>
"I didn't want to have sex with you, Sam."<br/>
"When?"<br/>
The buzzing intensified.<br/>
"Uhm ... I..I"</p><p> </p><p>Sam had such a hard look in his eyes. He was just daring Dean to say he didn't like what they had with each other! Even tough he knew just how much Dean had wanted it.</p><p>All of it! So why did he do that now? Did he want to break up with him?</p><p>Sam was suddenly furious.</p><p>Dean wanted to break up with him?! Now? Just after he had tested Sam properly and now he wasn't even worth to tell him the truth? That he just wanted others more than him? That he just didn't want his little brother?</p><p>"You think any of the others would ever love you like I love you, Dean!?" Sam screeched.</p><p>Dean was speechless.</p><p>Just a few seconds ago, Sam's eyes were full of tears and his puppy dog eyes were at full force. And now? He was glaring at him and with such hatred in his eyes.</p><p> "Sam, please. This isn't you. Why are you like this?"</p><p>However, Sam didn't hear the uncertain croak of Deans voice or see how he had gotten intimidated and introverted.</p><p>He just saw red.</p><p>Dean was his ... his everything, but he didn't want him?! And that even after Sam had told him that he loves him. 
No, Dean couldn't mean that. He was just overwhelmed. Yes, just like Sam was. This, this was all so new, but had been a long time coming. They loved each other! Dean loved him too, he was sure of it. Dean wanted him, he just had to show him that he didn't need to hold back. They were together in this, he just had to understand that Sam was in it forever.</p><p>"Dean, c'mon. You don't have to lie to me. I know how you feel and you know how much I care for you. I love you so much, please just ... just be open for me and let me show you how important you are for me.</p><p>With that Sam was pushing Dean's shirt up over his head, just so much that his arms were twisted in it, as Sam was laying his full weight on Dean so he could push him into the passenger seat.</p><p> </p><p>Dean was perplexed.</p><p>He didn't want to talk about it. Not really. But, he would've done it. Still, Sam didn't listen to him anymore. It was all so fucked up. Never had he thought that he would be the one that would want to talk and not Sam.</p><p>Oh, oh no. Not again, please. He could not take it again. It was too much, he didn't want to. Why didn't Sam care what he thought about it? Why didn't he see it for himself? He felt like not even human anymore. Just a warm hole without a say about anything.</p><p>"Sam, please, don't do this to me." He felt how Sam pulled his jeans and underwear right under his ass and wrestled his legs up so his ass was hanging out and Sam could put all his weight against it. He felt how Sam positioned him so his legs were trapped by his jeans and his right leg was jammed behind the steering wheel.</p><p>He was laying there like a bug with all legs up in the air.</p><p>He felt so exposed, but Sam didn't want to listen. He was busy with dragging his own jeans just under his balls and was spitting in his hand.</p><p>"Yeah, Dean. So beautiful and all just for me. Me, Dean. Nobody else. We are together, you don't need anybody else. Just me. You are mine. Mine, Dean."</p><p>And he pushed his cock with one trust deep in Dean's ass.</p><p>Dean screamed and pressed his eyes tightly shut. He didn't want to see how Sam was feeling so much pleasure with something so cruel. He had a hard time not starting to cry. He wouldn't cry about it. It was just sex ... right? If Sam needed it, maybe he could give him that. Even when ... even. Well, he couldn't hold the hopeless feeling back anymore.</p><p>Sam didn't love him. This wasn't love.</p><p>If Sam really loved him, then he would care how Dean felt and would listen to him. He would never do something like that and hurt him so much.</p><p>He was lying there, his neck at an odd angle against the closed passenger door with his eyes closed and wished to just vanish. "Please, please Sam it hurts so much."</p><p>"Dean, oh yeah, you know how much I care for you, uh, you know how much I love you, right, how I would never hurt you. Oh yeah, you feel so good. Never hurt you, Dean. Never, ah."</p><p>After a particularly hard trust Dean opened his eyes, his gaze slid over Sam's shoulder out of the open drivers door and right into the disgusted ones of his father.</p><p>Dean felt his heart breaking.<br/>
He didn't fight anymore, he just let himself drift away.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He didn't feel how his father dragged Sam out of him and out of the car. How he pushed Sam onto the floor, his gun at the ready and pointed it first at his youngest and then at his oldest son. Not sure what he just witnessed. Dean was just lying there, his legs up in the air, his neck at an awkward angle pushed against the door, and his ass. God, he could even see his deep red asshole where Sam had just, just ...</p><p>"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!" John was furious. They had to be shapeshifter's. Or demons.</p><p>"Christo!"</p><p>Yet, Sam just blinked dazedly at John, and Dean. Dean didn't move at all, wasn't even covering himself.</p><p>"Jesus Christ, Dean. Cover yourself up, will you! Don't you've any shame?<br/>
Rumsfeld was barking up a storm, so Bobby would've to be here any second now.<br/>
"What are you?" he barked at the thing that looked like Sam, but Sam appeared to be in a daze and sat there like he didn't know what was going on.<br/>
"Don't you play stupid with me!"</p><p>"John? What's going on here?" Bobby had grabbed his shotgun, as soon as his dog started up to bark like crazy. He was shocked, to see John standing above a half naked Sam on the dirt packed floor.</p><p>"Sam? What are you doing, where's Dean?"</p><p>Bobby peered around John and hissed. Dean lay motionless, his ass out for everyone to see.<br/>
"Oh God, Dean! He took his jacket off, climbed into the driver seat of the car and freed the stuck leg behind the steering wheel.</p><p>"Oh Boy, I'm so sorry". Bobby's voice wasn't more than a whisper. He lay his jacked over Dean's crotch, so he could keep some dignity and tried to cover as much of his chest as he got hold of the shirt and dragged it back down.</p><p>"John, c'mon! Help me pull him out of here, so we can carry him back to the house."</p><p>John wasn't sure what he should do first. He couldn't just shoot this thing, as much as he would like. He wasn't sure, what if it was his son after all? But, he couldn't just turn around and let it out of his sight, even if Dean needed his help. And that he needed help that he could clearly see. God, how could it have come to this? Dean hadn't so much as blinked since he was here.</p><p>"John, NOW dammit!"<br/>
However, John turned around to get some handcuffs from the Impala, he had to play it safe.</p><p>"Dean?" a small brittle voice like that of a five-year-old was calling in a whisper after his brother.</p><p>"Oh my God, what did I do? Dean, Dean, please. Oh, God." Sam felt like he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. What had he done? His crying sounded like a wounded animal, he could no longer hold back the sounds and wailed piteously.</p><p>Dean was just staring into space. And he has done this to him. Why did he do all this? How could it have come to this? "Why?" Sam croaked out.</p><p>Bobby just glanced fleetingly at Sam as John put the handcuffs on his son and dragged Dean out of the car. Both of them had Dean as securely as possible in their arms and carried his dead weight to the couch in the living room.</p><p>Sam sat on the dirty floor, knees drawn to his chest, rocking back and forth.</p><p>He remembered everything. Every terrible detail Dean had to endure because of him. How could he do something like that?</p><p>He had known since a few years ago, about his not so brotherly feelings towards Dean. Even tough, he would have never acted on them! Never. He was sure.</p><p>Maybe in a few years he would have confessed his feelings to Dean, but wouldn't have ever forced him, not to anything! What he has done ... How could Dean ever forgive him?</p><p>Sam sobbed. He had hurt him so much. In his mind he saw how he raped his brother over and over again. How Dean was like paralyzed and crying. He had hurt his ... his Dean so much. He would never forgive himself. How on earth could it have come to this. Why couldn't he have restrained himself? His thoughts went in circles.</p><p>And Dean was ... oh God, his empty eyes will haunt him forever. He didn't know how he could ever make up for that, but he would die trying. And if Dean would never want to see him again, he would have to deal with it. Somehow.</p><p>He didn't want to, and it would be more than hard to lose Dean in his life, but if it would help him get better. He would do it. Just, please not now. He had to see for himself how Dean was hurt. He had to be there for him. If ...no. Not if, when. When Dean would tell him he didn't want to ever see him again, then he would ask Uncle Bobby if he could be living here.</p><p>It would be more than unbearable. Still, for Dean, he would do it.</p><p>He could feel how his butt got numb, as he was sitting there with his ass naked and jeans down to the middle of his thighs. He gulped and took a cautious glance at his crotch. The lighting wasn't really bright out there, but was that...? Yes, there were bloody streaks on his pubes and dick. Oh God. He gave an inhuman howl and fell to the side. His mouth filled up with saliva as his stomach began to cramp.</p><p>He was sick. Hardly had he stretched his neck a little, the vomit poured over him and over the floor. After that, he was dry heaving while the handcuffs were digging deep into his wrists. He tried to crawl away from the puddle, but with his hands handcuffed at his back and secured to the car he was lying beside. He didn't get far. He gave up and put his head back on the floor, in the middle of his vomit.</p><p>He deserved much more pain for what he had done to Dean.</p><p>This was nothing. He was nothing.</p><p>Dean who was bending backwards for him, so he could have a good life. And how was he thanked? He was raped by this very person. The same one that claimed he loved him and would never hurt him, but penetrated him so violently that it even bled.</p><p>He was dry heaving again.<br/>
He was empty. All of him.<br/>
</p><p>Bobby didn't know what to do.</p><p>Should he call 911? He wasn't sure. Give him wounds to stitch or broken bones any time. Still, he had unintentionally caught a glimpse of Dean's lower region and blood.</p><p>Oh, how he needed a glass of Whiskey right now. Or a whole bottle of it.</p><p>Poor Dean. He should have reacted much sooner, immediately as he had them both interrupted in their bedroom earlier this day. Had it really only been a day? Bobby shook his head and stood helpless beside the couch. Dean was lying there as if catatonic. John wouldn't even look at him.</p><p>"Should we call 911, John? I know Dean would never want that, wouldn't want anybody seeing him this vulnerable. But, this isn't really something we deal with every day.</p><p>He snorted. Damn right that wasn't something he could have ever even trained for. Who would have thought that Dean had to deal with something like this. All because of his little brother no less.</p><p>Dean suddenly gasped for air. He tore his eyes open and tried to get into a sitting position. Halfway there he felt how much that hurt and slammed back onto the couch with the same momentum.</p><p>Dean groaned. Oh fuck that hurt. He feels like he has been beaten to death. However, it took all this feeling like cotton in his head with it. He remembered all, what Sam did to him. He was a mess, yeah, but he could think again. Was Sam feeling the same? Dean didn't make a habit of praying, but please, let Sam be Sam again.</p><p>John stood there with his back to his oldest son and was seething.</p><p>He had performed every test he knew on his eldest son, but apparently he was no shapeshifter or any other monster he knew of. Just his son. He still had to perform the same with the thing out there, but needed more time to compose himself. After all, it wouldn't do any good if he first put a bullet in the thing's head just to discover it was his son after all.</p><p>Oh how he despised them both right now. He couldn't even look at Dean.</p><p>He had tried to train this bleeding heart of Dean out of him, he never let him get away with anything. Was deliberately always stricter than to Sam, so as to harden him to the world. He has eyes, he could see how his eldest had really good genes and all of Mary's looks. How his good soul shone, so he had to be tough.</p><p>People would try to take advantage if they saw some light in this dark hell of a world. How the same people would try to extinguish it if they saw it too and how Dean wouldn't ever be the same thereafter. He had tried, but he had failed. He had the enemy in his own house on which he had a blind eye. Never had he thought he had to look more closely at family than strangers.</p><p>He ran both hands over his face and was surprised to find them wet.</p><p>This had to stop. Now. He had to get clarity and then they could decide what they would have to do, Dean and him to carry on with life.</p><p>His face hardened and he clenched his fists.</p><p>"Dad. Please, don't hurt him. Just. Just bring him here, I have to talk to him, OK?<br/>
I need to know, why he did ... " a loud sob came out instead of the words he wanted to say. It horrified him that he would show Bobby and even his father his genuine emotions. He felt broken up. He couldn't deal with this alone. And if Sam felt the same ... all alone out there. No. As bad as what he had done was, he didn't deserve to go through this all alone.</p><p>"Shh, boy. Yeah, your Dad will get your brother for you, just need to make sure it really is your brother first, right?"</p><p>John nodded once and was stalking out of the living room without so much as a glance at his son.</p><p>Dean's heart sank. His Dad would never forgive them, but particular him. He had disappointed his father one time already with the Shtriga and tried to make it his life mission to make him proud of him again. He lets out a deep breathe.</p><p>John stalked to the trunk of his Impala to get the right tools to identify the monster that had taken hold of his youngest son. There must be something because if not? Then, it had to be just Sam. How could he ever fix what was broken if that was really his son? He slammed the trunk shut and got in the direction where he had cuffed the thing against the fender. As he rounded the car he saw how Sam was lying there with his head in a puddle of his sick. He snorted. Yeah, right.</p><p>This thing would really do anything to elicit pity. Sorry, not with him.<br/>
He kicked it in the shin and bellowed "What are you, you freak?!"<br/>
Sam flinched. Freak, yes. He was a freak. He closed his eyes again and willed himself to sink into the earth.</p><p>John watched, but refused to feel the misery that was radiating of the child before him. "Ahhhh!"<br/>
John had sliced a superficial, but long cut into the things naked hip. Apparently not intelligent enough to cover itself he saw how the blood rushed out of the new wound and trailed over the things naked crotch. Where already was blood. His eldest son's blood.</p><p>John saw red.</p><p>He kicked the thing ruthless that tried to cover on the floor.<br/>
"You sick son of bitch! Where is my son you fucking disgusting piece of shit!"<br/>
With a particularly hard kick you could hear how he had broken a rib.</p><p>"John, what are you doing?! Are you crazy?!" Bobby came running with a shotgun in his hands and saw how Sam was crying out after every kick to his torso, his back and even his crotch wasn't spared. With his hands handcuffed at his back and half naked, he couldn't cover himself and tried to squirm away from the hard kicks.</p><p>"That's no son of mine! Even if it isn't some creature, he will always be a monster for me. And monsters should be killed!"</p><p>He screamed this with such venom in his voice, Sam knew he could never do penance for the unspeakable thing he had done to his brother. Bobby hauled John away from Sam and gave him a heavy push so he was staggering a few feet back.</p><p>Bobby pointed the shotgun at John's chest and said in a forceful voice "I swear to God, John, if I ever see you again, I will shoot you so full of buck shoot you can start a second career as a sieve! And now, get lost!"<br/>
John was boiling from rage.<br/>
"Fine! Look after Dean. What you do with that - he pointed to the heap of misery on the floor – it's none of my business."<br/>
With a low voice he growled towards Sam "Don't you ever come back to me" and spit at him.<br/>
"Jesus, John. Just get lost already!"<br/>
Bobby watched as John turned on his heels and took off at a quick pace. The roar of the Impalas engine was cutting into the night as he was driving out of there like a bat out of hell.</p><p>"Stubborn son of a bitch".</p><p>He pointed the shotgun harmlessly at the floor and sighed. He tried to suppress the feeling of being completely overwhelmed with this situation.<br/>
As much as he felt sorry for the whimpering heap in front of him, he had to test him before he could get him out of the cuffs. He took off into the garage to fetch his tools and performed as fast and as painless as possible one test after the other. He had to be sure it was really Sam and not a Ghost possession, no shapeshifter and what else go bump in the night.</p><p>It was Sam.<br/>
His heart was breaking for both of them. How should they be able to overcome something like this?<br/>
He uncuffed Sam's bleeding wrists. He dragged his jeans back over his ass and put him back together as good as he could in the dark and with the puddle of sick right by his feet.<br/>
"C'mon son, it's over. Everything will be right as rain again. You just have to help me a little so I can bring you back home, OK?"<br/></p><p>Sam was nodding his head.</p><p>He wished his father had ended him right there. But Dean. He had to see him. He had to apologize even if he knew that you couldn't apologize for something like this. He just wanted to see Dean, and do everything he could so he could get better. He loves him, with all his heart. More than a brother ever could. But, he would've never hurt him and told him he was in love with him. Not if Dean had first signaled that he felt more for him too. Better to stay brothers than to lose Dean.</p><p>Now, Dean not only knew, but had this trauma too. With their kind of family, how is he supposed to cope? Their father needed them to hunt. However, he would never accept Sam with them anymore. But Dean would never abandon their father. What would that do with Sam? He would let Dean go, if this was what he really wanted. And he couldn't imagine how this situation could end differently. Who would live with his rapist under the same roof? His heart rate skyrocketed.</p><p>He had lost Dean. Forever.<br/>
He will never forgive himself for that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bobby was barely on the porch as he heard Dean's anguished crys, so he shouldered Sam the rest of the way and lifted him over the stairs.</p><p>"DAD, please! Don't hurt him! Please! SAM!"</p><p>"Alright, alright, hold your horses, son. Sam is right here. See?"</p><p>He rounded the doorjamb and saw Dean half-standing, half-bending in the middle of the room, walking slowly toward them.</p><p>"Oh God, Sam. What. What did he do to him?" Dean was appalled. Sam looked horrible. Covered in dirt and sickness, streaks of blood all over his torn clothing and he could barely hold himself up. If it wouldn't have been for Bobby, he wouldn't even be able to stand.</p><p>"Kicking the shit out of him, apparently, instead of checking if he was possessed at all."<br/>
Dean's searching gaze fell on Bobby.<br/>
"It's really him, Dean. I don't know if it makes it better, but it's really him."</p><p> </p><p>Sam's labored breathing didn't stop him, he had to tell Dean.</p><p>"Dean?" Sam croaked. "I ... I hate myself so much for what I did to you. I would've never...never." He gulped and whispered "I'm just so incredibly sorry." His voice broke on the last word, his face crumbled and he couldn't hold back his sobs anymore. He could barely look him in the eyes, he was so ashamed. Dean was a father and a mother and not just a brother to him. He had lost his whole family. He was devastated.</p><p>Dean stood there and didn't know how he should react. He remembered in vivid detail what Sam did to him, but ... it wasn't really them, or was it? He felt nothing like the guy that couldn't lift a finger while this all happened. If, if Sam felt the same, then it wasn't him. He watched on as Sam was drowning in absolute misery and took a step towards him. Sam was just a kid.</p><p>Dean tried to get hold of Sam, but Bobby just needed to give him a stern look and Dean got with them back to the couch.</p><p>"Dean, I'm frank with you. I don't know, what should I do right now? You need a hospital? Or should I call Pastor Jim, so he could send someone who would take care of Sam?</p><p>"What? NO!"<br/>
He tried to regain his composure, but it was all happening so fast he barely had time to think anymore. But, he was sure, he didn't want Sam separated from him. They would overcome this. They had to. They were family and ... and maybe Sam was really himself again and didn't want to ... hurt him this way anymore, right? It had to be.</p><p>"No, Bobby. Please. I can understand if you don't want to have anything to do with us, but could we just stay a few days longer with you? Sam needs the rest and ... you know, I can feel it. Something happened with us, Bobby. It wasn't Sam, Bobby. I'm sure of it! I ... I mean, yes, it was him obviously. Just, he wasn't really himself, OK?</p><p>He got frustrated. Sure he didn't have a leg to stand on with this, no proof whatsoever. Still, he had this feeling now, he was sure something played them. It wasn't like them at all. And certainly not like Sam who just a few weeks ago had cried as he found a dead caterpillar on the sidewalk. And if he really admits it to himself, it was not at all like him to just lie there without even fighting back.</p><p>They had to know what had happened. Not just now. First, he had to make sure Sam and he would be physically OK again. And mentally, they also had to go through that. However, he was sure they could do it. Together.</p><p>Bobby helped Sam shower. It was awkward as all hell as Sam couldn't wash himself. He was busy with holding his broken rib and to cling to the towel rail with the other hand. After that, Bobby took care of the - thank god - superficial cuts, stitched up the skin areas that had been burst open by the kicks and bandaged Sam's broken rip.</p><p>Then he made sure Dean didn't drown himself in the shower and helped both of them to lie down in their freshly made bed. It was in the middle of the night, maybe a few hours of sleep would do them good. He offered him to place Sam on the couch, but Dean refused, he didn't even want to sleep on the couch himself. The lumpy thing would be hell on everyone's back.</p><p>In reality, he just didn't want for Sam to be all alone by himself, after the ordeal with John. And with all that had happened before. Didn't dwell on it for now, they had enough on their plate already for today.</p><p>Sam and Dean were securely put back to bed and Bobby was sleeping like the dead just one door down.</p><p>A little after 2am Sam opened his eyes and groaned. My God, he hurt all over.</p><p>"Dean!" he was instantly awake and looked frantically where he was and saw Dean lying right next to him in .. in their room at Bobby? What?</p><p>Dean groaned as he was awakened. He felt as if he had just climbed into bed after all and opened his eyes to see Sam looking at him as if he were the second coming.</p><p>"How do you feel?"</p><p>"Me?" Sam stared incredulous at Dean. Only his brother would ask him if he was okay, after all he had done to him. His eyes were tearing up just thinking about it.</p><p>"Dean?" he croaked. "I'm so, so sorry." his face crumbled "I'm so sorry, sorry, sorry. I would have never... I ... I don't, oh my god Dean. I hurt you so much. I didn't want to ... never ... oh God ... please...". It was all a jumble of words in the midst of a nervous breakdown.</p><p>Dean saw the misery wash over Sam, he could feel Sam really mean it.<br/>
Not the babbling shell like before, but really meant it. Oh, thank God, it's really over.<br/>
He took him gingerly in his arms.<br/>
"Shh, shh Sam. I know, I know. Let it out little brother, I've got you. We will get over this, OK? We will. It wasn't you. I know that. Shhh".</p><p>He cradled Sam in his arms, with caution because of the broken rib, and rocked Sam back and forth reassuringly.</p><p>Bobby had heard everything through the open door. He had not dared to close one of the doors, so he stood silently in the doorway. This moment was only for the brothers. He would go to the kitchen and make them breakfast. He had a feeling that everything would take care of itself. They just needed time.</p><p>After about half an hour, they both joined Bobby in the kitchen, where freshly made pancakes, coffee and orange juice were waiting for them. They both stared at the table as if it were Christmas morning.</p><p>"What are you looking at? Pancakes don't eat themselves. Sit down already," he turned back to the stove where the next batch was ready to join the pile on the plate.</p><p>"Thanks Bobby," he heard in chorus from two sheepish Winchesters and couldn't help smiling. After that, he answered a few calls from the hunters FBI Line then it was time to face the music.</p><p>They gathered in the living room as the couch would be better for sitting with their injuries then the hard kitchen chairs.</p><p>"OK, Sam. Tell me what you know. When did it all start?"</p><p>Sam and Dean where sitting side by side. A little more space between them than normal, but that was understandable after the ordeal they had both gone through.</p><p>Sam was grateful, but he couldn't shake the feeling that any time now the other shoe would drop. Sure, it was typical of his brother to just gloss over after Sam said he was really sorry about something and really meant it. Still, this was really big. He was grateful that Dean hadn't shunned him, but he knew Dean was the master of repression. And this shit wasn't healthy at all. They needed to talk about it so Dean could start healing, too.</p><p>Sam glanced at Dean who was gingerly sitting next to him. His demeanor was quieter than usual, but open to Sam.<br/>
"Really, Bobby. I want to know for myself. I didn't see or feel anything. It was a normal morning, I was showering and changing for another day of school and when I came out of the room I just...". Sam became quiet. It was hard to talk to Bobby about his feelings. Even harder with Dean. Dean, who would find out how he felt about him after spending all of last year not even letting him suspect that anything was out of the norm.</p><p>"Sam, you can tell Bobby and me. Just, tell me, please. I need to know. OK?</p><p> </p><p>Sam nodded. Yes, he knew he had to do it. It was just so hard, but not saying it before had hurt them both. It was better to come clean all at once and drag his feelings out in the open so Dean could see how he felt about him. Dean could then decide how he wanted to feel about it. It was scary, but once it was out, nothing could hurt them. And he would never intentionally hurt Dean, ever. Not if he could help it.</p><p>"As I was about 12 years old and Dad brought me to Bobby alone, I didn't know what to do with myself. I was just so alone and I thought more than ever about you." Sam gave Dean a fleeting glance, but continued.</p><p>"When Dad and I finally picked you up, I was just so happy to have you back with me. I wanted you all to myself, I felt like I wasn't really whole or anything when you were gone. After you were back with me, I tried to be with you most of the time. Maybe you can remember complaining about snooping little brothers and me being like a puppy because I was right outside the bathroom door when you were in there. And after a while, at night." He cleared his throat. "I, ... I had my first wet dream."</p><p> </p><p>Sam could feel how his hearth pounded in his chest. His face must be flaming red by now.</p><p>"And I don't know what the dream was really about, but I felt like you were holding me in your arms, and how I felt safe and, ... and loved. And after that, I saw you, like for the first time. Not, not just your uh ... beautiful face ..." Sam closed his eyes. That was so hard to do, but he did soldier on ..." and you know? You are. Beautiful, I mean. And not just your outside. No, inside too.</p><p>You are loyal to a fault, you put me above everything else. You give me all the love I never had from my parents and more, even at times when I don't deserve it. You are so selfless, would do anything to help anyone, animals too when they need your help. And you don't even expect any form of reward. No, it's your heart and soul that shines so bright and no one sees it. But I do, Dean. And after I realized that I knew what that feeling was, what I felt for you. I love you, Dean. I'm sorry, I really am. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I do. So much and I would never" he had to pause for a few seconds, his throat thick with suppressed tears and he whispered with all the pain in his voice "I would never hurt you like that. I'm so sorry."</p><p>Dean was absolutely speechless when he heard what Sam thought about him. It warmed his heart that he meant so much to him. He could feel how every word Sam spoke was the truth for him. Sam really felt what he was saying. And even though he didn't think he was anything special, he knew he was it for Sam. And when he thought about it? That was the most important thing to him.</p><p> </p><p>"Come here," Dean said, grabbing Sam and hugging him to an inch of his life. At that moment he forgot Bobby was in the room, it was like it was just the two of them.</p><p>"You know I love you too, right Sam? I ... just need some time, okay. I have to admit, it's all so overwhelming for me, but .... Yeah. That. Personally, I would have started with first base for starters, but yeah."</p><p>Sam snorted. Not a nice sound with all the mucus in his nose and throat, but typical Dean. Even in a situation like this, he had a joke for it. Made it easier on Sam so he didn't drown in his feelings and told him with a few words how everything was going to be okay. He was just so thankful for his Dean. He would gladly live through all the shit life would throw at them if only he had Dean by his side.</p><p>Bobby cleared his throat.</p><p>"So ... after we all know where we stand, what happened? Did you see anything, feel anything, smell anything?" Bobby found it hard not to show how touched he was. If he didn't love his wife so much, he'd say this was love beyond compare. Yes, they were brothers, but he could see that this was what real love looked like. You'd have to be concussed, drunk, and blind not to see that. And even then. Still, something had happened to twist it into something so ugly, and if they didn't know what it was, it could happen again. And Bobby would never let something like that ever happen again.</p><p>Sam thought hard, but nothing came to mind. There was nothing unusual. No cold spots, either.<br/></p><p>"Hmm, maybe a spell. Has John had anything to do with witches lately?"</p><p>Dean straightened up.<br/>
"Wait. Yes! Dad said he killed a witch just a day before all this started."</p><p>All three looked at each other.</p><p>"Balls!" Bobby could curse John for putting his sons in a situation like this and not even thinking about it. He just went through life not caring about his sons, after all, they had to bear the brunt when something went wrong.</p><p>"Oh, that son of a bitch is going to get an ear full from me, alright! What did he tell you about it, anything that was the witch's M.O.?"<br/>
Dean and Sam just shook their heads. Dad didn't really discuss cases with them that was usually the number one topic for a heated argument with Sam.</p><p>"Oh, he will talk," Bobby said, rushing to the phone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bobby tried to reach John the rest of the day, but only ever got his voice mail on the line. After dinner, he tried one last time for the day. His annoyance at its highest level, and was surprised when a heavily sighing John Winchester finally deigned to check his cell phone.</p><p>"What?!" an irritated John slurred into the phone.</p><p>"Don't you 'what' me, you stubborn son of a bitch!" Bobby could have choked him through the line if it had been possible.</p><p>John straightened up from his bar stool and gave the bartender an irritated look to indicate he wanted another round.</p><p>"Bobby, spit it out. What do you want from me again? I don't have time to just," but he didn't get to say the rest. Bobby, now not only angrier than ever, but irritated as all hell, thought if John really just was that kind of an asshole? His oldest son was raped, his youngest son was half killed, by his father himself, who didn't even know if it was some kinds of possession or really just his son. Like he really didn't even care.</p><p>"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Are you really so heartless that you don't even want to know how your boys are doing? I never thought you were stupid, but didn't you ever think that maybe YOU were hexed by that witch you supposedly killed just a day before your youngest son raped your oldest?" Bobby was furious.</p><p>John was silent on the other end.</p><p>"John?!" Bobby took a deep breath. It wouldn't help anyone if he had a stroke because of the stupid attitude John was portraying.</p><p>"I'll be there, just ... Tomorrow, driving now isn't such a good idea."<br/>
"You'd better," Bobby hissed into the phone, shoving it back into its cradle.<br/>
"... Death of me," an irritated Bobby muttered as he made his way to his bed.</p><p>The next day everyone tried to get a better grip on themselves emotionally. John would be there soon to shed some light, it wouldn't help if they were all an emotional mess in the face of him. John couldn't handle emotions even on his best of days, they didn't need it if he got feed up and leave before he could tell them what happened. This was important, they needed to get to the bottom of it so they could do something about it. Otherwise, they would be like sitting ducks and could be caught off guard at any time if the spell didn't fizzle out on its own. It didn't matter whether John would like it, to have to appear here again and to be kept from his precious hunt. It would have to wait for now.</p><p>The rumble of the Impala could be heard in the kitchen, where all three sat waiting to hear what had happened in the first place. Sam tried to put on a brave face, but he remembered all too recently how his own father had treated him. Dean didn't fare any better. He knew how disgusted his dad was with him, and Sam had told him what he had done to him. Dean had seen it with his own eyes, the state Sam was in afterward, so he knew he would have lost Sam the previous night if it hadn't been for Bobby. Dean's emotions were all over the place and he couldn't decide between absolute anger at what his Dad had done to Sam. And also shame at the state his father had seen his eldest son in as he was lying naked in the car. Bobby looked back and forth between the two of them, wondering where he should dig the grave for John if this was all going to go awry.</p><p>John just came in and just stood there. Bobby and the boys were sitting at the kitchen table. Where Sam's eyes were fixed on the surface of the table, Dean's eyes unerringly found his. He was a little surprised to see such an icy expression on his son. An expression he normally reserved for a monster who would receive the killing blow. He had to admit that this look made the hair on the back of his neck stands on end.</p><p>John took a seat.</p><p>"You want some coffee?" Bobby stood up and just poured a fresh cup, the question just some intro so they could play civil with each other. At least at the start.</p><p>"Are you guys okay?" John spoke without any emotion. Only his piercing gaze was aimed directly at Sam this time.</p><p>"You don't talk to him, you son of a bitch!".</p><p>John was perplexed.<br/>
"Dean! That's no way to talk to your ..."<br/>
"Oh, please. Were you going to say father? Really?" Dean was pissed.</p><p>Sam stared at Dean in disbelief. He had never heard Dean stand up to his father before. Not once, and never with so much hate in his voice. Bobby just stood there, with John's cup in his hand, as if the unraveling in front of him was unstoppable. He knew John had screwed up, big time. The boys had to let it out. He put the cup down on the table in front of John and wordlessly sat back down in his seat.</p><p>"You!" Dean hissed between his teeth.<br/>
"You have the gall to come in here and ask if we're okay after what you did? With Sam? With me!?"<br/>
"With you? What the hell are you talking about? I didn't do anything at all!"</p><p>"Yeah, and that's the crux of the matter, isn't it? Not only did you not take the time to make sure a witch couldn't harm you, no, you didn't even do anything to prevent her from getting her hands on your sons. You didn't check to see if anything was wrong after the hunt, you didn't check to see if the hunt was really successful before you just took off and went on to the next one."</p><p>"And after you saw what happened to me," his voice broke, but he didn't let that stop him, he had to let it all out - "you didn't even make the connection that what happened was something that YOU BROUGHT TO US! And then? What did you do? Tell me JOHN."</p><p>"What was it that you did? Huh? You looked at me like I wasn't even worth the dirt under your fingernails. And Sam, your thirteen-year-old son? You didn't even stop and check first to make sure it was a monster, a, a freak, as you called him."</p><p>Sam whimpered beside him.</p><p>Dean took a quick look at him, put his arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. "No, John Winchester kills first and asks questions later, right? So, you just dragged your naked son across the floor, tied his hands behind his back. Then, kicked him like a dog in your rage, not thinking for a second that maybe," a tear made its way down his cheek "just maybe it was NOT OUR FAULT!</p><p>"That it wasn't us that was to blame, it was you, you son of a bitch. You would have killed Sam and didn't even give him a chance to defend himself! And now? Now you just sit here ... radiating disinterest like nothing else and expect us to play happy family or what?"</p><p>Dean wiped the tears from his face with his free hand, turned to Sam and gave him a brief, reassuring smile. He turned his head back to his father and told him in a firm, unwavering voice, "When this is over, I never want to see you again. Do you understand me? We're done."</p><p>With that, he turned away and completely toward Sam and hugged him. He didn't want to give another thought to this man who didn't give a damn about them, but he knew they needed to hear what the witch had done. But, after this was over, John was dead to him.</p><p>John nodded.</p><p>He never would have thought Dean had it in him to ever stand up for himself, but he could see how the two of them where clinging to each other. No matter what he said now, he wouldn't get through to either of them. Maybe after some time they could try to get along again. Still, for now, he knew this battle was lost for him. He took out his journal and cleared his throat.</p><p>"The witch was just an ordinary run of the mill one. Tried to get more money, to get payback on some poor saps she had trouble with. Things like that. She got her hands on a book about really dark spells and tried one after another, mostly to get more luxury into her life. The fact that she only got those luxuries by killing others just so she could get what she wanted didn't interest her in the slightest. I became aware of her after it was reported that one freak accident after another had occurred in her town."</p><p>"The latest victims were a poor guy who was mauled by his ex-girlfriend who did it only with her fingernails, her really sharp fingernails. He shuddered. And after that, there was a mother who had found her child drowned in her washing machine, dead, even though the thing was new and unplugged. I was able to connect them because their neighbors reported they all had a recent falling out with the witch who had taken her revenge on them in a deadly way. After Bobby called yesterday, I looked more closely and found out how she did it."</p><p>All three waited to see what came next. John sighed and continued.</p><p>"And after she got wind of me she must have cursed me to before I killed her. I didn't think it would affect me much, she was dead after all. Apparently, her dying wish was strong enough to run its course as long as I wasn't there. As I came and saw Sam ... yeah. After that the curse must have burned itself out."</p><p>"It was something like a home concocted revenge with a cruel twist spell. She wanted her victims to suffer as much as possible and to achieve that, she put a curse on them to make their greatest fear come true. Not like when you hate spiders and suddenly you have a bunch of this thing's in your house. No, she wanted to involve others. The ex-girlfriend still loved the guy who must have been afraid of her long fingernails. So, he got a horrible death and the ex had to live in jail with what she did to the guy she loved. Even though not for long, after a few days she was found in her cell. She scratched her wrists in the evening until she bled to death during the night, so she was found dead during the morning census."</p><p>"The mother who must have been worried about her child drowning in the pool she had in her backyard. She actually had secured the shit out of it. So it should have been impossible for her child to drown in the few minutes she left him alone. So the washing machine. Yeah. She couldn't handle it, so she slashed her arteries with a kitchen knife."</p><p>Sam could hear the anguish in his fathers voice. He had always been more empathetic to strangers than to his own sons. What had happened to the victims, he really did not wish to anyone. That means, he would have killed ... oh God.</p><p>Sam looked at his father, startled.</p><p>"You mean I would have killed Dean? With ... with, sex?"<br/>
John shrugged and nodded.<br/>
"Or, I think the curse intended Dean to not be able to handle it, so he would have slit his wrists?"</p><p>Sam glanced under his bangs at Dean with a hurt look. He'd caught Dean trying to kill himself before he had lunged at him. Oh God, what would have happened if he had been too late?</p><p>Dean could have no regard for John and kissed Sam's forehead with feeling. "Sam, I know you never would have done that if it hadn't been for that spell. It wasn't your fault. And I wouldn't have done it. The curse wanted it, but I didn't do it." He rocked Sam gently in his arms.</p><p>John was uncomfortable with the whole thing, this whole display of feelings between his sons. He would never condone it.</p><p>"So, what has it been in your case, John?" Bobby asked after some time, after Sam and Dean had been able to reassure each other that they were both fine.</p><p>John stared at Bobby, hoping he could have sweep it under the rug. Still, yes, after what had happened, he owed them that.</p><p>"I've known for some time that Sam's feelings for Dean were not normal. I saw the look on his face when Dean was in the same room, staring at him like the sun was shining out of his ass.</p><p>Sam felt embarrassed, but straightened up. He couldn't change how he felt, and now he knew Dean liked him too. He didn't want to feel like a failure. He looked at Dean, who gave him a warm smile back. They both turned back to their dad and listened on.</p><p>"Yeah, just like that." He snorted and shook his head.</p><p>"Anyway, I think that curse latched on and twisted it in such a way that it caused Sam to freak out and just take what he wanted without consent," he said.</p><p>"That's why I couldn't really think or fight back." Dean bumped his shoulder against Sam's. "Sorry, shrimp, but if it wasn't for the curse, I could have just held you back with my pinky finger, and you know it."</p><p>Sam was slightly irritated, but he was grateful that Dean had actually forgiven him.</p><p>Dean felt lighter somehow. Sure, it was really bad what had happened, but just knowing it wasn't his Sam made everything a little more bearable. Oh how he hated witches. They took something pure and twisted it so much that you couldn't tell what it had looked like to begin with.</p><p>"Well, your biggest fear was that your sons would get hooked up with each other?" Bobby stared at John in irritation. He heaved an exasperated sigh. What a homophobic bitch. John had the decency to look at least a little contrite.</p><p>"Apparently," he scratched his beard and took a sip of his coffee.</p><p>"However, that's not all of it. Right, Dad?" Sam looked accusingly into his father's eyes. When he just stared back, Sam elaborated.</p><p>"Your biggest fear was that Dean and I found each other and then, we wouldn't need you anymore. Since you are too stubborn to ever accept us you would push us away. That way you'd have to hunt alone, and you might never have a chance to find the monster that killed Mom. Am I right?"</p><p>John was shocked. He hadn't allowed himself to really think about it, but he could admit it to himself. Yes, that was his biggest fear. Never find and kill yellow eyes no matter what the reason.</p><p>Dean felt Sam's warmth against his shoulder where he sat pressed tightly against it and knew Sam was right. He hadn't ever wanted to think it, but they came always second to their Dad. If something would get between his hunt and prevented him from finding his wife's killer. Yes, that was the cruellest end he could imagine for his father.</p><p>And as sorry as he was for his mother, he couldn't forget what their father had done to Sam. If Bobby hadn't been there, he wouldn't even have a brother anymore. No, he couldn't forgive John for that. Ever. That's just the way it was.</p><p>They both just sat there and said nothing.</p><p>John first looked at the look of pity on Sam's face, only to look afterwards into Dean's cold eyes, like a cold shower. Well, the witch had done her work with her last dying wish, she had gotten what she wanted. Maybe in a few years he could make up with his sons, but he knew they would never forgive him. He had messed up, royally.</p><p>"Alright, so I'm going to hit the road again. For all it's worth. I'm sorry."<br/>
Sam and Dean nodded once, but remained silent.</p><p>John stood up, nodded to Bobby, who nodded back once, and was out the door. To their surprise, instead of the rumble of the Impala, they heard John's backup SUV that parked at Bobby's in case John was in trouble and had to lay low. So, they got up and went to the front porch. There, the Impala's keys were on the floor.</p><p>Dean knelt down, took the keys and closed his hand around them. He looked up just as John ran his hand past his head to salute their sons one last time, and drove off. "Thank you," Dean whispered, holding his most prized possession in his hands.</p><p>In his right hand, his brother's waist, and in his left, the keys to their home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After that, time flew by. Their wounds healed well with antibiotic ointments. Dean had to apply his to the little anal tearing he had twice a day or Bobby would have dragged him to a hospital. Sam's rib healed without any problems and they even started talking to each other about what had happened. Just a few sentences here and there and only in the dark in their bedroom just before they both drifted off to sleep. But, it was kind of freeing. Bobby enrolled Sam in school and Dean had started getting his GED and was spending his free time with his baby.</p><p>They were together, but taking each step slowly. Even though Dean knew Sam hadn't meant to hurt him, he had. You couldn't just survive something like that and shake it off. You had to live with it, but you couldn't let it define you or your life.</p><p>He was lucky, he had Sam. Who was in the middle of another growth spurt and was his bratty self most of the time, except when it had something to do with Dean. Then, he was really insightful.</p><p>So, he never pushed him for more when Dean just wanted to kiss for a really, really long time. He just couldn't bring himself to do more than that. Every time Sam just lightly brushed his hands over Dean's butt, he'd get flashbacks of him lying in bed, in the car.... Helpless. And that feeling of helplessness was the worst. He tried to compensate for it with more training, to get better, stronger, so he could overpower whatever came at him. However, in time he let go of that because he had accepted that nothing he could have done could have prevented what had happened.</p><p>Even if he had been Hulk and Sam were just his scrawny self that he had been at thirteen, he would not have been able to overcome the curse. Therefore, the result would have always been the same. After he truly accepted it, he was more at peace with himself and could focus on writing new memories with Sam.</p><p>He saw how accommodating Sam was. How the love he could not only see, but feel, shone in everything Sam did for him. It was the little things. How on a bad day he would bring him his favorite pie without even being told to. On their trips with baby, how Sam would look for a good song on the radio, find one of Dean's favorites that he himself actually hated, and still turn up the volume. And even sing along with Dean on the wrong tunes just so they could laugh at each other.</p><p>They had just finished singing a chorus particularly badly, both giggling like little kids, when Dean turned his head and smiled at Sam.</p><p>"You wanna?" said Dean, but Sam had to repeat that sentence a few times in his head to get it.<br/>
"Not, not that, I mean. Just, you know. Touch you?" Dean glanced at Sam every few seconds to gauge how he would react.<br/>
"Jesus, Dean. Yes, please." Sam wasn't even embarrassed that his voice had that humiliating break in the middle. Damn puberty.</p><p>Sam was more than nervous. Sure, it was all in the past now, but he too had regular nightmares where he saw himself hurting Dean and couldn't help him.</p><p>Dean was the one who had to go through such hurtful times, he was the one who was raped. But, Sam was too. He remembered everything that had happened, and so his flashbacks were especially vivid. Most of the time he dreamed how he was standing next to the bed or the car. Looking at himself and Dean, how Dean was crying, but he was enjoying the feeling of getting his dick wet. He felt sick just thinking about it, and it was hard for him to accept that he too had been a victim. Talking to Dean helped him a lot and after a while he found it easier to look at himself in the mirror again.</p><p>That Dean wanted the next step was one so big that his nerves almost didn't cooperate. When they parked in a field behind some trees to really be alone, he was shaking.</p><p>Dean didn't feel any better, so they both had to laugh at how nervous they both were. "Like it's our first time," Sam said solemnly.</p><p>"Because it is, Sam," Dean said, leaning in to kiss him.<br/>
"Dean?" whispered Sam against his lips. His hands were both knotted in Dean's black T-shirt.<br/>
"Yeah?" Dean's hands roamed over Sam's arms and he smiled lovingly at him.</p><p>"Could you, maybe," but his nerves got the better of him. Dean could feel Sam closing up, but after all the progress they'd made, he'd learned that they both had to take their time, but still keep digging in so they knew what the other was thinking. Neither of them were mind readers.</p><p>"Come on, Sam. Tell me," he said and kissed Sam's cheek and gave him a little more space again so he could string a few sentences together. My God, Dean was distracting.</p><p>He put all his courage together and asked.</p><p>"Could you maybe call me Sammy again?" he was holding his breath.</p><p>After all his flashbacks, he could remember when Dean had stopped calling him that, and every time he heard "Sam," he remembered why that was. Before that time, he had hated it when Dean called him that; now he longed for it. It would mean he was truly forgiven, and until then..." Sam's puppy dog eyes were in full force and Dean had to swallow.</p><p>He hadn't done that consciously, it was just ... he didn't know how to describe what had happened in one word. Sam always belonged to him. He would trust him with his life and when he had rolled him onto his stomach that horrible morning, he simply had lost that kind of blind trust in him. Sam had done this to him, not willingly, yes, but he didn't know that at the time. So it was Sam who had betrayed him in the worst possible way. He looked at Sam. He really looked at him.</p><p>He was almost as tall as him now, but his eyes. Were always the same. How they beamed at him with love and now with such hope. He could feel that this was it. Sam was it for him. And he was it for Sam. Together they could overcome anything.</p><p>"I love you so much, Sammy," Dean said, leaning closer to kiss him.<br/>
Sam's heart threatened to burst, he was so happy.<br/>
"I love you too, Dean. So much."</p><p>They kissed and explored each other's bodies, what they couldn't really do in the suddenly cramped front seats, so they moved to the back seat. Sam lay on his back, staring at Dean above him.</p><p>"May I?" asked Dean, reaching for Sam's belt, while Sam just nodded. He was too stunned to form words at that moment. Dean unbuckled the belt, then the zipper, and pulled everything down with little effort, leaving Sam in just his boxers. The tent inside told its own story.</p><p>"So impressive, baby," and Dean kissed him again. He had to hold back, if he didn't, he was sure it would be over in two seconds flat. Oh God, Sam was perfect.</p><p>"So perfect," he murmured against Sam's skin as he slowly stripped Sam of his shirt so that he was only in his boxers and socks in front of him. Dean had all his clothes on, but he needed to feel more skin. Sure, his clothes felt like a little protection against the world, but he was with Sammy, he didn't need that with him.</p><p>Sam searched his eyes and when he didn't see any protest, he helped Dean pull his shirt up. They both paused for a few seconds and Dean nodded, so Sam helped him out of his jeans too after Dean got rid of his shoes.</p><p>Now they were just lying there in their boxers and their nerves were coming back at full force.<br/>
"Hi," Sam said uncertainly. He smiled shyly at Dean and Dean had to smile back, Sam was so cute. He could eat him.<br/>
Slowly, Dean took Sam's lower lip between his teeth and nibbled on it, soothing the skin with a little flick of his tongue.</p><p>Sam gasped and Dean could feel his cock twitching in his boxers.<br/>
"Perfect for me, Sammy. Just for me," and nibbled over his neck to his nipples, sucking the left one into his mouth.<br/>
"Dean!" Sam croaked, shuddering and was cumming in his jeans.</p><p>Dean could feel it, uhh, this was so hot. He needed to take the edge off and roughly grabbed his own cock under his underwear. After a few pulls, he was shuddering over Sam through his most intense orgasm.</p><p>"Sorry," Sam said meekly.</p><p>"We needed that." Dean grinned at Sam and they kissed again. "Besides, if we don't want to stop, we have all the time in the world, Sammy."</p><p>They both looked into each other's eyes. This was perfect. They were safe in the Impala, it was a beautiful day outside, not too hot and not too cold. Bobby wasn't expecting them until nightfall, they had a fun day of driving ahead of them, and now they had this.</p><p>"You ... you can if you want," Sam said a little shyly, but firmly to Dean. He had always imagined it like this. The two of them in love with each other in the back seat. Or anywhere really, just Dean being so in love with him that he needed him right now and would make the first time so good for them both. He couldn't turn back time to make Dean's first time the way he deserved it, but they could make new memories together. He never wanted anyone else, he was sure Dean was the one.</p><p>He had no doubt about that.<br/>
"I want you, Dean. I love you and I've just imagined it all along. You ... you inside me, please." he was a little embarrassed. Talking about sex was really hard, but he wanted Dean to know how he felt.</p><p>Dean had imagined it just like that, too. The two of them in the back seat of the Impala, making love to Sam. Exploring his body, kissing every piece of skin and slowly sinking into his Sammy, making them both feel their love for each other. Yes, that's what he wanted.</p><p>"Yes, yes, I want that too," he murmured, leaning back to kiss him.</p><p>"Just let me get something to ease the way, okay". Sam nodded and watched as Dean crawled out of the Impala, in just his underwear, and headed for the trunk.</p><p>Dean rummaged in the trunk and found the weapons bag that contained the weapon oil and returned with it to Sam in the back seat.</p><p>They kissed again and both slowly pulled their boxers off their bodies. As they lie together now completely naked, they both couldn't help a little giggle. Their nerves were stretched to a breaking point, but in a good way. Dean opened the weapon oil and dribbled a few drops onto his fingers.</p><p>As he went to close the vial, he took a whiff of the smell and felt like he'd been slapped in the face. Unprompted, a flashback came of a Sam behind him in a motel room who had just opened the weapon oil to put his fingers in him, and if Sam hadn't taken the vial from his cramping fingers, he would have dropped it over their duffel bags on the floor.</p><p>"Uhh ... sorry," Dean groaned. Not now. Damn flashbacks, he didn't need them and certainly not now!<br/>
"Yeah, I know." Sam whispered back. He'd smelled it too and was also struggling not to just get lost in the memories.</p><p>"No gun oil for it, got it. Shit.".</p><p>"Yeah." Sam shook his head. Dean looked at Sam a little confused and they both had to laugh. It wasn't really funny, but they were both in it. With each other, all the way to the end. Even with flashbacks.</p><p>I'll get rid of the smell on my hands and you check the duffel bags. Chap stick or maybe we have some Vaseline in the med kid?" Sam nodded and looked for it. He found half a tube of Vaseline, opened it and tested the feel between his fingers. It was slippery, but not as much as oil, a little draggy. Anyway, all the other tubes were medicinal tubes. He didn't think Neosporin would be good for the nether regions. So, Vaseline it was.</p><p>It took Dean five wet wipes, but he finally got rid of the smell. When he got back in the car, he had to grab his own dick or the whole thing would have been over before it even started.</p><p>Sam had his left leg over the back of the seat and three fingers in his asshole. He was sweating all over, but the-, he looked for the tube, Vaseline did the job and eased the way. Sam was a little embarrassed, but at Dean's look he became bolder.</p><p>"Dean, come on. I need you inside me, please." If it kept up like this, Dean would never be able to let go of his cock. He squeezed it again, just to make sure he wouldn't come, and limped into the back seat to Sam.</p><p>"Oh god, Sammy. Look at you. So gorgeous." His hands ran over Sam's pecs as he kissed Sam again. Sam brought his fingers out and reached for Dean's cock so he could spread some of the Vaseline on it. Dean's "Oh" was two octaves higher than usual when he felt Sam's fingers on him. He had to brace himself to keep from crushing Sam under him. He put Sam's right leg around his waist and slid his left arm under Sam's armpit so he could hold him very tightly in his arms. Sam hugged him with both arms, they lay there almost airtight, not a sheet of paper could have squeezed between them.</p><p>"Now, Dean." said Sam, smiling up at him.</p><p>Dean just nodded, too overwhelmed by the trust he saw reflected at him, and freed his right arm to guide his cock into Sam. He felt with his finger where to go and when he felt the loosened hole, he guided his cock right there and slowly sank it in.</p><p>Dean hung his head and moaned. Damn, so tight, silky and warm. He was ruined, his right hand would never feel the same after this.</p><p>Sam felt Dean all around him. He felt his heart hammering against his chest, his own heartbeat not far behind, and he felt Dean trying to hold still. Oh, he was waiting for a signal.</p><p>"Yes, Dean. It's good. It just hurts a little. Slowly, please." And Dean did just that. Slowly he pressed more of his body weight against him and felt himself slowly, very slowly sinking deeper into Sam. After a long time, he came to a stop. Both of them were soaking wet from sweat, but glad that they really were doing it. They were connected, it couldn't be any closer. After some time for Sam to adjust, Sam stroked Dean's back with his hands to signal that he was ready.</p><p>Dean had only been waiting for his cue and pulled his pelvis back slightly.</p><p>Sam's breathing deepened and he watched with distended pupils as Dean pulled his cock almost all the way out, then slowly pushed it deep inside him again.</p><p>"Oh my god, Dean. You're inside me, I can feel you. So hot, oh fuck." Dean nodded and kissed Sam's neck. Oh god. He hugged Sam almost impossibly closer and started a slow rhythm that got deep and good until it wasn't enough and he had to pick up the pace. He brought his knees more under Sam so he had more leverage, Sam's ass now resting almost entirely on Dean's thighs, and he tried to find a faster rhythm. His hips were high over Sam's so he thrust almost vertically into him as he let out a shriek on the next thrust.</p><p>Dean was so into it that he winced when he heard it and stopped immediately.</p><p>"Sam? Oh God, did I hurt you?"</p><p>Sam looked almost dazed. He cleared his throat and smiled at Dean. "No, no. Not at all. It's really good, but it's even better now. Try doing that again."</p><p>Dean searched Sam's expression, but found only the truth, so he looked at Sam's face as he made the next thrust, and there he could feel his cock sliding over a slightly harder bump.</p><p>Sam stretched his neck back and let out a deep moan. So Dean did it again and again.</p><p>They were both making noises now. It was so good, so deep. The rhythm quickened and they kissed as best they could. Most of the time they were breathing so hard that it was hard to concentrate on anything, but the feeling they were giving each other. Dean scrambled as close as he could to Sam's ass that was now fully on Dean's thighs, setting up an almost punishing rhythm.</p><p>He breathed heavily against Sam's neck and held on.</p><p>Sam felt everything. Dean was completely wrapped around him, he was so deep inside him and his cock was rubbing against Dean's belly. He could feel his balls tighten and felt the telltale ache in his belly.</p><p>"Dean, Dean. Yes. Come on. Oh God, now, now, ah ahh," and Dean moved impossibly fast to give Sam what he wanted. He felt Sam's muscles stiffen and with a cry he came between their bodies. Sam felt Dean tense up, but he didn't give up and brought Sam through his orgasm first and when Sam opened his eyes again, he saw Dean open his and come too.</p><p>"Sammy! Oh God, uhhh" was all Dean could get out and then he shuddered through the hardest orgasm of his life. His arm gave out and he lie on top of Sam with all of his weight.</p><p>Sam stroked Dean's back and waited until they both caught their breath.</p><p>"Whoa," was all Dean could get out. Both of them were too exhausted to do anything, but just lie in each other's arms and wait for them to get some energy back. They must have dozed because the sun was already setting and Sam's cum was flaky between their belly's." Ugh," Sam said meaningfully, but smiled at Dean as he picked up another kiss before they had to clean up.</p><p>"Wet wipes, Sammy. Best invention after sliced bread."<br/>
"Yes, Dean."<br/>
"What, it's true?" Sam smiled fondly at Dean, who also smiled back.</p><p>"Come on, Sammy. Bobby was going to make steak today. I'm starving," Dean said, slapping Sam on the butt and getting dressed again.</p><p>Sam didn't have to be told twice. Bobby's steak was the best and he was starving too. They climbed into their front seats and smiled at each other. Sam leaned forward slightly and Dean came the rest of the way towards him and they shared a lovingly kiss. If they would had any energy left, they would never make it out of there.</p><p>Bobby was waiting on the back porch with his grill, the steaks were sizzling on it as Sam and Dean staggered in.</p><p>"Right on time, boys. Go get some drinks, only a few minutes and we can eat."</p><p>He could hear them giggling like teenagers in the house and as they came back Dean was behind Sam so he could get a good look at his ass. Huh.</p><p>"Did you have a good ride?" asked Bobby after he got the steaks on a plate.</p><p>"Yeah," Dean said absentmindedly, and Sam just patted him on the stomach. Dean looked almost apologetic.</p><p>Sam just smiled back. He had to suppress a giggle. Dean clung to him like a lost puppy, his eyes were never leaving Sam as he could lose himself in his eyes. And in his lips.</p><p>Mmm, the way they had felt against his, he could just.... Dean stared at Sam's lips, too, and leaned forward.</p><p>Bobby cleared his throat. "Yeah, you guys had one, all right." He rolled his eyes.</p><p>"Now come on. Let's eat while it's hot. You're gonna need the energy."</p><p>Sam and Dean looked at Bobby in shock.</p><p>"Yeah, try to keep it down around me and I think I'm going to have to soundproof your room soon. Now let's eat, it's getting cold."</p><p>Sam and Dean looked at each other and then beamed at Bobby.</p><p>"Yes, Bobby!" they said simultaneously.</p><p>Bobby looked at them fondly and shook his head.<br/>
"Idjits."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Completed. I must say, I'm quite proud of it. I always get a little teary-eyed when I imagine Bobby's last "Idjit". Yeah ... Have fun with this story!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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